Many people claim to know themselves well enough. Most teens in fact, pride themselves about how well they know and understand themselves but when I look at these sturdy and even at times cocky youthful entities I smile to myself. I have seen many people (adults included) who still find it hard to decipher and discover their true self. Change in character, emotion and intellectual judgment becomes a rapidly and constantly diversifying process and many a times these changes evokes a feeling of discomfort within them. Ever had moments where you felt completely alienated in your wn skin? Ever endured points in your life where you found yourself contradicting yourself at every turn?
Well, I have. It wasn’t as easy as I once imagined it to be as there were so many factors and aspects of my life and character that I had never discovered till those few hours of self exploration. But what was most amazing was that not only did I discover that there were so many sides to me that were undeveloped but that I had neglected so many aspects of my life that fuelled me emotionally and capable of supporting me intellectually. The process that involved the awakening of my morale senses and enlightenement wasn’t a breeze (which of course made the impact of its enlightenement all the more drastic and effective I might add) as it involved tremendous pain, sacrifice and a whole lot of reconciliation with what I used to call the bitter truth. I won’t lie, it wasn’t a transformation that was endearing or instant for the matter but it took many harsh words, angry tears and vitriolic words were spat out like from the tip of my tongue. I was very frequently washed over by waves of hatred, humiliation, self degradation and so many self inflicting worries that I practically held myself in comparison to one that was mentally disabled.
I am not going to justify my actions but I do have to point out that these acts were not committed when I was sane at mind as well as heart so bear no grievances those that I have wronged for I wasn’t myself. You have my sincerest apologies and heartfelt convey of remorse. But, now that I have snapped out of my resentful stupor (seeing that I had managed to expunge all these splenetic angst that seemed to have embedded itself deep within me) I am able to undertake life with a whole new objectivity.
With my newfound principles cemented by the support by of my family and true friends, I have found a more solid and tranquil lifestyle. I have neve been a person that enjoyed silence and peace as I loved the constant roller coaster in life with the contant injuctures of excitement and thrills. But, its almost ironic to think that for a teen I may be looking at life from the perspective of a 40 year old. I outgrew the fun and zesty part of life opting for a more subtle and quiet life as the excitment had driven my senses haywire and I was incapable of thinking rationally.
But now, my feet solidly rooted to the ground, I am firm and resolute with my new life as I have finally found a comfort and security that I had been so desperately searching for. Perpetually yearning for a sense of belonging, I finally found my place in life. It was there all the while and I had been so blinded by my passion for life that I had completely lived a life in oblivion to the obvious facts. My life had been waiting in front of my eyes, and all I had to do was to look at what I already had instead of always searching and wanting more. Its called turning away from temptation. And finally, life has began smiling through the dark clouds…
Well, I have. It wasn’t as easy as I once imagined it to be as there were so many factors and aspects of my life and character that I had never discovered till those few hours of self exploration. But what was most amazing was that not only did I discover that there were so many sides to me that were undeveloped but that I had neglected so many aspects of my life that fuelled me emotionally and capable of supporting me intellectually. The process that involved the awakening of my morale senses and enlightenement wasn’t a breeze (which of course made the impact of its enlightenement all the more drastic and effective I might add) as it involved tremendous pain, sacrifice and a whole lot of reconciliation with what I used to call the bitter truth. I won’t lie, it wasn’t a transformation that was endearing or instant for the matter but it took many harsh words, angry tears and vitriolic words were spat out like from the tip of my tongue. I was very frequently washed over by waves of hatred, humiliation, self degradation and so many self inflicting worries that I practically held myself in comparison to one that was mentally disabled.
I am not going to justify my actions but I do have to point out that these acts were not committed when I was sane at mind as well as heart so bear no grievances those that I have wronged for I wasn’t myself. You have my sincerest apologies and heartfelt convey of remorse. But, now that I have snapped out of my resentful stupor (seeing that I had managed to expunge all these splenetic angst that seemed to have embedded itself deep within me) I am able to undertake life with a whole new objectivity.
With my newfound principles cemented by the support by of my family and true friends, I have found a more solid and tranquil lifestyle. I have neve been a person that enjoyed silence and peace as I loved the constant roller coaster in life with the contant injuctures of excitement and thrills. But, its almost ironic to think that for a teen I may be looking at life from the perspective of a 40 year old. I outgrew the fun and zesty part of life opting for a more subtle and quiet life as the excitment had driven my senses haywire and I was incapable of thinking rationally.
But now, my feet solidly rooted to the ground, I am firm and resolute with my new life as I have finally found a comfort and security that I had been so desperately searching for. Perpetually yearning for a sense of belonging, I finally found my place in life. It was there all the while and I had been so blinded by my passion for life that I had completely lived a life in oblivion to the obvious facts. My life had been waiting in front of my eyes, and all I had to do was to look at what I already had instead of always searching and wanting more. Its called turning away from temptation. And finally, life has began smiling through the dark clouds…
