Just when I thought that live could not take a turn for the worst, it undecidedly did. I mean questions come pelting in from every corner of my life and long lost moments of the past have come back to haunt my memories. Its not like I have buried secrets as daunting as those from soap operas and so on, but its just that these were parts of me the jerked not only tears but brought back painful reminiscence of me that I chose to bury. Things that hurt both my pride and confidence. Moments that I have never accepted nor welcomed back as they weren’t moments that in any sense benefitted me. All that I truly got from these were immensely bitter experiences that left me in a pool of tears suffocating and drowning in sorrow. A trip down that memory road would only bring out more pent up and buried emotions which I have refused to subject myself to as the antagonizing moments I had gone endured during those harrowing ordeals were trying enough to my soul and strength.
Nevertheless, there is one thing that I have to admit. One thing that I had failed to see until a simple incident triggered its memory. I am a stronger and wiser person now. Never again shall I be naive enough to partake in such foolish momentary satisfactions of frolic. I have had my joy and I have paid the endearing price for it as well. But you may tend to ask what possess me or places me in the right frame of mind of wanting to immortalize such a painstaking ordeal instead of just burying the hatchet deep within myself. Well, it is rather simple actually. I’m done running.
For so many countless years I have ran and hid from the only person who could deal with such a mess, the only being that can truly understand what all this means, the only soul capable of rectifying all errs and mistakes done. ME. Yes, me. Who can understand me better than myself? I am no cynic but yet I tend to be my own critic and I am perhaps the most judgmental person there is when there are matters that concern myself making me the most apt person to rectify whatever problems that I have.
Running away from perhaps what can be considered my faltering moments have made me realize that I am a coward till now. We shall never truly be able to understand ourselves nor be ourselves if we can’t possibly love ourselves for all faults and points. And then again, if we can’t love ourselves first and foremost, how in the world are we emotionally capable of caring and feeling for another being? Despite all those words of consolation that I have fed my conscience and soul with, my intellectuality just won’t accept the reasoning that my heart readily did. The heart and mind are two beautiful works of art. They produce remarkable and majestic results that compliment their functions perfectly went put together but can be the very downfall to the existent of mankind. Just imagine a person without emotion, feeling or conscience? Doesn’t that befit the description that we bestow upon a hardened criminal? What about a world purely navigated by emotions and feelings? Would justice and the legal system hold? I think not.
So you see how these two magnificent creations of God come hand in hand with one another to present us with a perfect balance? Beautiful isn’t it? So when we are so apparently blessed with such intellect and emotional expertise how is it that we falter along the way and how is it remotely possible that we are so often misguided? I was left dumbfounded when this notion penetrated my ego as I questioned my abilities to reason. I never had an anwer that was satisfying enough. Curiously, the answer dawned upon me after a few hours of mind-boggling silence and hard solid thinking. The misinterpretation and imbalance of these two wondrous characters. When we lose balance between reasoning and feeling we run astray. It is true. When the weight shifts and balance between both factors are lost, rest assured that the results are disastrous.
I write this blog so cautiously not only in hopes of immortalizing my pains in order that I respect, accept and gratify every moments of peace that have come out of it, but also as a means o highlighting my plight to others so that they may learn what I have through my experiences and make the right choices without facing the exact ordeal which I have so readily perceived as a learning experience. But then again, have to fun is learning it the hard way right?
Nevertheless, there is one thing that I have to admit. One thing that I had failed to see until a simple incident triggered its memory. I am a stronger and wiser person now. Never again shall I be naive enough to partake in such foolish momentary satisfactions of frolic. I have had my joy and I have paid the endearing price for it as well. But you may tend to ask what possess me or places me in the right frame of mind of wanting to immortalize such a painstaking ordeal instead of just burying the hatchet deep within myself. Well, it is rather simple actually. I’m done running.
For so many countless years I have ran and hid from the only person who could deal with such a mess, the only being that can truly understand what all this means, the only soul capable of rectifying all errs and mistakes done. ME. Yes, me. Who can understand me better than myself? I am no cynic but yet I tend to be my own critic and I am perhaps the most judgmental person there is when there are matters that concern myself making me the most apt person to rectify whatever problems that I have.
Running away from perhaps what can be considered my faltering moments have made me realize that I am a coward till now. We shall never truly be able to understand ourselves nor be ourselves if we can’t possibly love ourselves for all faults and points. And then again, if we can’t love ourselves first and foremost, how in the world are we emotionally capable of caring and feeling for another being? Despite all those words of consolation that I have fed my conscience and soul with, my intellectuality just won’t accept the reasoning that my heart readily did. The heart and mind are two beautiful works of art. They produce remarkable and majestic results that compliment their functions perfectly went put together but can be the very downfall to the existent of mankind. Just imagine a person without emotion, feeling or conscience? Doesn’t that befit the description that we bestow upon a hardened criminal? What about a world purely navigated by emotions and feelings? Would justice and the legal system hold? I think not.
So you see how these two magnificent creations of God come hand in hand with one another to present us with a perfect balance? Beautiful isn’t it? So when we are so apparently blessed with such intellect and emotional expertise how is it that we falter along the way and how is it remotely possible that we are so often misguided? I was left dumbfounded when this notion penetrated my ego as I questioned my abilities to reason. I never had an anwer that was satisfying enough. Curiously, the answer dawned upon me after a few hours of mind-boggling silence and hard solid thinking. The misinterpretation and imbalance of these two wondrous characters. When we lose balance between reasoning and feeling we run astray. It is true. When the weight shifts and balance between both factors are lost, rest assured that the results are disastrous.
I write this blog so cautiously not only in hopes of immortalizing my pains in order that I respect, accept and gratify every moments of peace that have come out of it, but also as a means o highlighting my plight to others so that they may learn what I have through my experiences and make the right choices without facing the exact ordeal which I have so readily perceived as a learning experience. But then again, have to fun is learning it the hard way right?
