It has been a long while since I last wrote here but well, self expression does begin to take a toll on human intellect and emotional strength especially when it involves both the trying or rather to be quite frank, the harshest transpirations of our very lives and the sane reasoning and understanding of why these things happen to us without allowing remorse or other emotions influence our judgment. Some people underestimate this indulgence, as to them writing these posts are as simple as dictating certain views that we pertain to our lives. But let me share a little secret with you, divulging your essentials and baring your heart’s content and principles in life isn’t as simple as it is. Speaking on behalf of all bloggers with the same notion as I do,letting our fingers do the talking instead of our lips, letting the tips of our fingers find the truth in what lies beneath our hearts, no one sees the tears that manage to slip by between the lines or hear the sobs that manage to creep up our throats virtually choking us.
The grey truth shows that pain is unavoidable. Many a times I have sat in front of this mechanical feature and stared blankly at it without a single thought in mind to allow my fingers to dictate. These are the times that my mind had truly failed me and intelligence was something that was quite absent in presence, but never can i recall a moment when my heart failed me. For instance, during the moments where I had been so mercilessly been neglected by my intellectual quotient I sought refuge in my emotional expressions. I allowed my heart the ability to speak and voice out all its pain and joy, truths and faults and how I connect through an emotional basis. It was at these fervent moments that I made a startling discovery, honesty and truth flourished through these moments.
Not to sound like some deranged, unstable person but this was a discovery that was truly very astounding to me. I had always felt that the truth was a fragment of our minds work. Truth was fact, unsubjected to perspective and unregulated by sentiment in the least. It was solid, steady and unwavering in definition making it reliable,sturdy and completely trustworthy. So how does this work in favor of poignant feelings to begin with? The mind is associated with our practical interpretations and command of our intelligence. But the truth is something that should not be stereotyped as such, for the truth itself is an origin from our own conscience. And what delegates matters of our conscience other than our heart? So in what manner is it just to make truth an essence of the mind when our conscience is originated from the works of our heart?
I have learnt to deal with both parts of me over time. Using my head to realize right and wrong and using my heart to feel the truth in my call. It took many years and painfully subjected traumas to realize me and awaken me to my senses. It was an awakening in a sense and it was murder in another. I felt completely betrayed, hurt and the pain is beyond expression as I had neve felt such angst in comparison. It rendered me helpless and I was a lifeless shell that glided through life as motionlessly and not more alive than a rock. Losing all feeling, mirth and any sense of tranquility within my soul, I searched and longed desperately for some hope at a chance back at my life. Fooled at every turn I was at the brink of self destruction when unexpectedly a hand reached out and pulled me into a warm embrace of comfort.
Words, feelings and sheer passion. All my angst were recorded so that I would never forget it and that it would never fade from my sights. What seemed as conjunctures of sordid affairs in my life had more than one positive outlook to it. I received a loving family, a promise of a bright future, and I was enlightened on who were truly friends and who were beside me with more than complacent ulterior motives. I learnt a great deal from this antagonizing ordeal but honestly, I feel reborn. It is as if my whole soul was reincarnated and I was now living afresh. I had paid my dues and retributions, and now I was given an option to either move forward or wallow back into the pit of despair that I had so incredulously foolishly dug up for myself to begin with. I opt for the former with more than just relief at being awarded such a miracle but with a great deal of strength and a newfound thirst to prove myself. I won’t lie to my own heart by saying that I don’t yearn for a second chance to retrieve what I had lost that day, but I suppose when life gives you so much it has to take something away. And to me, life had claimed its greatest payment. I may never forget what had happened that day and what I had lost, though all I had were a few joyous laughs and an honest emotion, what may have happened if it was to have blossomed would be beyond my apprehension but it would have been both remarkable and beautiful. Tears will stain my pillow now and possibly every night of my life as I may never uncover the possibilities that lay at that path of my life but I will never regret the moments that I had or atleast the simple laughs that we shared. This is my conviction of devotion….
The grey truth shows that pain is unavoidable. Many a times I have sat in front of this mechanical feature and stared blankly at it without a single thought in mind to allow my fingers to dictate. These are the times that my mind had truly failed me and intelligence was something that was quite absent in presence, but never can i recall a moment when my heart failed me. For instance, during the moments where I had been so mercilessly been neglected by my intellectual quotient I sought refuge in my emotional expressions. I allowed my heart the ability to speak and voice out all its pain and joy, truths and faults and how I connect through an emotional basis. It was at these fervent moments that I made a startling discovery, honesty and truth flourished through these moments.
Not to sound like some deranged, unstable person but this was a discovery that was truly very astounding to me. I had always felt that the truth was a fragment of our minds work. Truth was fact, unsubjected to perspective and unregulated by sentiment in the least. It was solid, steady and unwavering in definition making it reliable,sturdy and completely trustworthy. So how does this work in favor of poignant feelings to begin with? The mind is associated with our practical interpretations and command of our intelligence. But the truth is something that should not be stereotyped as such, for the truth itself is an origin from our own conscience. And what delegates matters of our conscience other than our heart? So in what manner is it just to make truth an essence of the mind when our conscience is originated from the works of our heart?
I have learnt to deal with both parts of me over time. Using my head to realize right and wrong and using my heart to feel the truth in my call. It took many years and painfully subjected traumas to realize me and awaken me to my senses. It was an awakening in a sense and it was murder in another. I felt completely betrayed, hurt and the pain is beyond expression as I had neve felt such angst in comparison. It rendered me helpless and I was a lifeless shell that glided through life as motionlessly and not more alive than a rock. Losing all feeling, mirth and any sense of tranquility within my soul, I searched and longed desperately for some hope at a chance back at my life. Fooled at every turn I was at the brink of self destruction when unexpectedly a hand reached out and pulled me into a warm embrace of comfort.
Words, feelings and sheer passion. All my angst were recorded so that I would never forget it and that it would never fade from my sights. What seemed as conjunctures of sordid affairs in my life had more than one positive outlook to it. I received a loving family, a promise of a bright future, and I was enlightened on who were truly friends and who were beside me with more than complacent ulterior motives. I learnt a great deal from this antagonizing ordeal but honestly, I feel reborn. It is as if my whole soul was reincarnated and I was now living afresh. I had paid my dues and retributions, and now I was given an option to either move forward or wallow back into the pit of despair that I had so incredulously foolishly dug up for myself to begin with. I opt for the former with more than just relief at being awarded such a miracle but with a great deal of strength and a newfound thirst to prove myself. I won’t lie to my own heart by saying that I don’t yearn for a second chance to retrieve what I had lost that day, but I suppose when life gives you so much it has to take something away. And to me, life had claimed its greatest payment. I may never forget what had happened that day and what I had lost, though all I had were a few joyous laughs and an honest emotion, what may have happened if it was to have blossomed would be beyond my apprehension but it would have been both remarkable and beautiful. Tears will stain my pillow now and possibly every night of my life as I may never uncover the possibilities that lay at that path of my life but I will never regret the moments that I had or atleast the simple laughs that we shared. This is my conviction of devotion….
