Some things are better left unexplained but one thing that I can explain is that I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling of dread. Its one of those mornings I suppose. Well, what else could I do except go on with the daily tasks set ahead of me. Usually this sense of dread would be something I could easily brush away as it normally foretells of a possible danger or problem up ahead. Of course my life isn't some rosy walk in the park but problems do tend to be more grave and heart-wrenching with this "warning signal". However, this time its different. It wasn't something sinister that seemed to tug at me, it was more a gloom that seemed to loom over my head. An overbearing sense of loneliness. I usually greet my mornings with a smile and with a small idle walk down memory lane. The bright and cheery one of course. Today, however is different. To be alone is one thing, to feel completely alone is another. I can't explain it further like this but I'll do it the way I know best....
Open my eyes and look around,
Losing again what my heart had first found,
The chill piercing through my skin,
Against fate, who can win?
The smile that faded long ago,
The heart that recovered oh so slow,
Aches once again,
Recognizing that antagonizing pain,
A tear streaks down this cheek,
Hope no longer this heart seeks,
The hand once in mine,
The presence I can longer find,
Long has the time come to say goodbye,
Long has it been since this heart would not cry,
My grip wanes,
My pillow painted with tear stains,
The tighter I hold,
The more my heart grows cold,
I clench my fist harder not to let go,
I shut my eyes tight so the tears will not flow,
The marks my nails leave are nothing compared to the pain your presence did,
My smiles and laughter were welcome for my sorrow they beautifully hid,
But there are seconds that joy loses to misery,
There are glimpses when my soul can truly be me,
Feel the pain thats buried deep,
Let the fears that steadily creep,
Burrowing its hold deeper and harder,
Sending me away, further and further,
Where do I go and what do I seek,
A person so timid, so meek,
Afraid to hold on and afraid to move along,
Wondering if the next step is a mistake or a move that could go wrong,
Questions that always will be there,
A pain that this existence will forever bear,
Was I trouble?
Did I whine or forever grumble?
Was it the way I looked?
Or that my time was seemingly too booked?
Were you unsure,
Was my presence too much to endure?
When did I become a pain?
When did I become simple and utterly plain?
Was I too easy to neglect?
Or did you expect me to be perfect?
Hardest of all I ask you this,
Was I your mistake, is that what this is?
Was that all I was?
Was I never yours?
Forget my tears,
Be blinded to my fears,
But look at me and tell me,
That in my eyes the care you cannot see,
Face me and say,
That what happened was nothing more than a dream of my mind, a play,
Tell me my memories were nothing but lies,
Tell me that my thoughts logic it defies,
Look at me and say that I was nothing,
Tell me that everytime you said you cared, you were lying,
I'll believe it all,
I'll believe that I was your greatest fall,
Your mistake,
And for your sake,
I'll take that blame,
I'll take the guilt, the pain all the same,
I'll fade away I promise you,
And time will see that through..
HOI!
WHAT?!
HOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2)