Happy Birthday Adie!!!!!!
Dee

Its Adie's bday today!! I'm so glad that we had a wonderful night out yesterday!! Thank you Teejay!! You're totally awesome!!! And what was even more awesome was the fact that Teejay SANG for Adie!! It was sooooo sweeet!!!! Hahaha, Teejay, you owe me! You're officially one step closer to curing yourself of your greatest fear! Adie sweetz, I hope you had a good time as we certainly did and I simply want to wish you all the happiness, joy and love life has to offer!!




She tickles me silly,
She full of laugh and ever so giggly,
Full of life, zest and
laughter,
Adie I hope you live happily ever after!

Her hands are always all over me,
Sometimes I wish she would really leave me be,
But then again, when she rests her head on my shoulder,
You can't help but want to forever love and protect her.

The person who's detrimental to my self esteem,
Trust me, she's not at all as innocent as she may seem,
Sex, sex and more sex is all she seems to talk about,
And boy, when she squeals, she's ever so loud!

She's sweet, lovable and utterly sassy,
She's a babe, gorgeous and oh so classy,
Mock me all you like when I eat young lady,
But I'll love you forever my darling Adie...

She keeps saying that she's stupid and dumb,
She also says she's lazy and she's a total bum,
A smack on the head if I hear you say that again!
And yes, you are indeed insane...

Jokes aside, you have to know,
There's something about you, a glow,
You're warm, affectionate and simply beautiful,
You're a joy to be around, you're wonderful,
Adie you're a friend like no other,
I wish you joy forever and ever,
Happy birthday my sweetest Adie,
Have a blast! Feel awesome! Go CRAZY!!!!


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You're Among The Real Stars Now..
Dee
I know a lot of people are hyping over the Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson demise... I'm not going to deny that I'm not really all bummed out over it but I am kind of suprised at how people are taking the news. Usually when someone passes on, people mourn his/her loss and rave about how wonderful the person truly was(forget the fact that these people were probably the person's biggest detractors of all!) but in the case of Michael Jackson, a lot of people seemed nonchalant, devastated or seemingly glad( which I have to say takes evil to a whole new level-he died people! A lot show of respect here!)

I was having a chat with my parents and to be frank I found it quite shocking really that both of them seemed to think that he had "wasted" his life or "thrown it away" as he seemed to have had all the talent in the world and yet lived an "unfulfilling life". Though I said nothing to dispute this fact, I had this tiny nagging voice in my head that kept wheedling, who are we to judge? This is a man who had been robbed of a childhood, thrust into the spotlight at a tender age, exploited for fame and money so to speak, endured child molestation charges, lived an eccentric and luxurious lifestyle, somehow managed to change the color of his skin, gone through so many plastic surgeries Elizabeth Taylor would be put to shame, opened his very own fairytale theme park which amazingly and horrifyingly was free, had two divorces and children by surrogacy and gone through bankcruptcy and finally an untimely death. Lets not forget the number of various illnesses he contracted through his numerous plastic surgeries and his addiction to prescription medication.

The man was often seen as an oddball. No one could fathom his moves, his thoughts or his actions. He had a strange and almost bizzare attachment to children which could be psychologically explained away with his own childhood. He endured severe physical, emotional and mental abuse from his father when he was young. I shall not go into the details as it is all merely hearsay and I have neither evidence nor fact to back this up. But from Michael's perspective, this trauma did him a lot of damage. His father's need for fame for the boys, the Jackson 5, was driven by barbaric and cruel acts of whipping, name-calling and beating. Michael was forced to abandon the joys of childhood and think of performing as a means of earning a life. He was robbed of the innocence that children possess and he was literally forced to grow up. Assuming responsibilities is not easy, but honestly, I do know the pain of growing up before your time. To be frank, I never really felt like much of a child. Forever having to be mature and grown-up, I can't really recall my childhood and I do know what it feels like to look back and wonder what it must have truly been like. And in my case, its so much less severe in comparison to Michael's but I suppose I can empathize to a certain extent. His fondness for children can almost be explained to the notions that speak of nothing but innocence.

Upon having to relinquish one's childhood, it becomes really endearing to have another child experience joy at our own expense. I love children and it gives me great joy in spending time with children. The innocence in their eyes and the way the look at you with unbiased, unfragmented love is something that cannot be attained elsewhere. No matter who or what a person is or claims, it is impossible that people will not judge. But when you look into the eyes of children that have not yet been tainted by social norms, expectations, pressure or life itself, you feel serenity and peace and love. That is what Michael felt and that is what he had hoped to feel which explains his profound doting on children. I am not trying to justify what could have happened or explain away what did, but this is a mere possibility that I feel deserves a fraction of our attention.

A lot of people call me naive or plain ignorant. May be I am. I'm not at liberty to deny anything but I would like to believe in the good of people. I believe that every human being deserves a chance as everybody has good in them. Situations and influences make people who they are but deep down, every person has some good in their souls. Of course, I'm not as ignorant as to say that a person is not responsible for his/her actions. They definitely are and in no way are they exempt from being held responsible for their wrongdoings in my eyes but I do feel and truly believe that people make mistakes and they make the most horrendous ones but that gives us no right to deem this person's soul as being forever unredeemable. Innocent until proven guitly seems to have lost its hold on people these days. Skepticim and cynicism in the name of reality and practicality have robbed us of our rights to looking at individuals without a strain of biasness or prejudice. What about heinous murderers, rapists and child abusers? I'm not stupid. My blood boils as much as the next person upon hearing such news but it does not mean that I would subject myself to judging these people. I don't know them and I would never say that these people were the offspring of Satan himself, but the work (or wrongs they have committed) are the work of evil itself. These people should be held responsible for their actions but it is never in our graces to deny the chance at repenting their sins. Who are we to look down on a person and deny them penitence?

Forgive me if I had offended anyone. I know that my words may be strongly disagreed by many and there will be many conflicts on my ideas and my beliefs.

But it is something within me that says that people are essentially good. Somewhere in them is a piece of untainted goodwill. Scoff all you like and shake your head in disbelief but one day when the time comes that you need someone to look your way with trust and confidence, I will be there. Not to remind you of this reproachful moment, but to tell you that I essentially believe you are indeed a good person.
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Saturday's Sanity...
Dee
Saturday has been pretty boring really... Apart from the market and stuff, nothing really interesting took place. I suppose the highlight of the day would be this evening when I headed out with Rakesh to Pyramid as he wanted to get some shirts and t-shirts for his Langkawi trip. What a nightmare! Not only was the place abysmally limited in choice, there was absolutely no outlet that HAD ANY SALES WORTH CHECKING OUT!!! Supremely annoying! Ah well, we then headed out to Carl's Junior where Rakesh had a burger while I picked at his fries and drink. Typical me, wasn't really hungry at the time. We spent the rest of the time just walking around and finally decided to leave. Of course we spent our time talking about the usual stuff. Life, romance and of course Rakesh's sexual trysts, which I have to admit is pretty amusing as it is shocking. As I promised there would be no mention of any detail, I shall uphold that promise and end that little note right here. We called it a night at about 10 30-ish and it took us another half-goddamned hour to get out of Pyramid thanks to the brilliance in structural planning. Seriously, you'd think these idiots who spent tons of cash constructing the place would THINK that it needs more than ONE FREAKING exit!!! Sheesh!!! But apparently not... Anywayz, as I got into the car I felt hungry and one thing led to another and we were having a heated debate about the virtues (or otherwise) of Michael Jackson. Strange topic considering neither of us are actual fans, but yeah, I guess weirder things have happened in the world. The one wonderful thing about tonight would be the fact that I managed to slap Rakesh a number of times and of course, pinch, whack and smack him. Rakesh, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, I promise next time will be A LOT HARDER!!! Hahahahah!!!

Signing out with much love
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Come Back To Me
Dee

I'm seriously hooked on this song... I love the way the melody flows... Utada Hikaru did an awesome job on this song... Its one of those songs you'd love to sing to yourself to sleep.... Beautiful...


Come Back To Me- Utada Hikaru


The rain falls on my windows

And the coldness runs through my soul
And the rain falls, oh the rain falls
I don’t want to be alone

I wish that I could photoshop on
Our bad memories
Because the flashbacks, oh the flashbacks
Won’t leave me alone

If you come back to me
I’ll be all that you need
Baby, come back to me
Let me make up for what happened in the past

Chorus
(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(You’re one in a million)

Memories I have of Manhattan
She goes shopping for new clothes
And she buys this, and she buys that
Just leave her alone
I wish that he would listen to her
Side of the story
It isn’t that bad, it isn’t that bad
And she’s wiser for it now

I admit I cheated (admit I cheated )
Don’t know why I did it (why I did it)
But I do regret it (do regret it)
Nothing I can do or say can change the past

Chorus
(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(You’re one in a million)

Everything I ever did
Heaven knows I’m sorry but
I was too young to see
You were always there for me
And my curiosity
Got the better half of me
Baby take it easy on me
Anything from A to Z
Tell me what you want to be
I open my heart to be
You are more priority
Can’t you see you punished me
More than enough already
Baby take it easy on me

Baby take it easy on me
Baby come back to me
Baby come back to me

Chorus
(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(You’re one in a million)

(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(One in a million)

La la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la
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Adie & Teejay!!!!
Dee



Wow... such a long time has passed since I've actually been able to blog! DAMN RESEARCH METHODS!!! HAiz... So glad that one's over =) First things first!!! A BIG ANNIVERSARY SHOUT OUT TO ADIE AND TEEJAY!!!! YEEEEE!!! You crazy kids have an awesome time kayz!!!!
Jill, Gling and I were at seksyen17... We went to Lup Soon and on the way had awesome SOYA BEAN!!! Yummm!!! Between us, we had 4 glasses not to mention, we packed two drinks earlier on! So seeing that adie and teejay are celebrating their 4th month anniversary, we had 4 glasses on their behalf!! (Really, we just needed an excuse for those 4 glasses! :P )





Hope you two love birds have an awesome time!!! LOVE YA!!! Teejay~ word of caution, you break Adie's heart I'll break your legs!!! Have a good time y'all!!!!



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Assignment Frenzy!!
Dee
God knows how I managed to pull of Research Methods!! I think I seem to have a Group Curse! Everytime I randomly end up with people I'm not too familiar with I tend to end up with the worst kind!!! Heavens knows that over the years, I've seen my fair share of incompetence and idiocy... but this time I think procrastination, sheer insolence in terms of shirking and a blatant disregard for another individual's grades takes the cake! I mean, I do know that at times some of them in the group did actually try but what really confuses me of the pair would be, how in the freaking world did they manage to stay afloat in this course for so long?? Apart from the apalling language, they had no independent intelligence nor were they even remotely resourceful in locating the required sources to equip them with background information on the topic we had all agreed to tackle. I'll admit, I'm not perfect. I am very much a procrastinator and shamefully, I have not changed one bit despite the numerous occasions in which I have vowed to do so. Shame on me.

BUT, the difference with me and these girls would be the fact that, though I do my work last minute, my work has to be of substance. I place a lot of emphasis on doing the best I can and though at times (when I'm really frazzled) it may fall short, I know my strengths and my weaknesses and know how to play around them. I do not at any instance, allow my actions or my choices to affect the grades of my groupmates or affect the quality of work that is to be submitted. Which I quite bitterly have to add is really the contrary in this instance.

One of my groupmates, being the most senior, I would have expected to pave the way and sort of lead us through. My how was I mistaken. She became the biggest obstacle throughout the entire assignment and we had to work AROUND her and not even with her. Though the other two did try their level best, I felt that I was constantly having to rectify and re-work what they had done which took more time than me actually writing the thing on my own!

Life will never be fair but the least I can hope for is that, through this experience I know not to rely on people too much. Atleast I have the consolation that I am very much capable of carrying out a group assignment on my own accord. Yayy me!
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Of Night and Reality
Dee
When I look up and our eyes meet,
A tiny smile, a wink, a twinkle in your eyes readily greets,
My cheeks blush as I nervously bite my lip,
The excitement within me I can't keep,
Your hand slides around mine,
Your eyes shine,
I feel warm, I feel love, I feel you,
Somehow I know its real, I know its true,
Your cheek grazes my palm,
Your embrace keeps me safe, it keeps me calm,
The tip of our noses brush,
In me I feel my heart rush,
I slide my head down and rest it against you,
And you slide your arms around me as you always do....

I feel safe, I feel loved, I feel secure,
It is you, I'm sure....

I open my eyes,
I hear my own cries,
The tip of my fingers caress my cold wet cheeks,
The heart plays such evil tricks,
I shiver in the cold,
With nothing but my pain to hold,
The ache doesn't go away,
My heart has lost the will to pray,
My lips quiver in sorrow,
My soul begs that there will be no tomorrow,
My eyes shut I think of nothing,
Nothing to live for, no joy life can bring....

You're gone,
Those eyes that once shone,
Like a beacon of hope,
Now that its gone, how do I survive, how do I cope,
The hands that gave me strength,
You made me dream in length,
My life was a dream,
For it always seemed,
That if you loved me, I could never go wrong,
Life seemed an eternity, I had so long,
To have all that and have it ripped from inside me,
You were blind to my tears and my plea,
My heart singed from the inside,
A pain so difficult to hide...

I shut my eyes and welcome darkness,
A life that seems void of joy or happiness,
I let the cold embrace me,
As emptiness is all I can be,
A shell,
A life of one destined for hell,
I kiss the night goodbye,
And one last time live my lie....


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Snooze....
Dee
Its cold outside,
Books and mess fills the space by my side,
Such disarray such chaos,
My throat feels scratchy and slightly hoarse,
Flooded by thoughts, my mind is oddly blank,
I feel floaty and slightly off, to be quite frank...

What a day,
Somehow troubles never seem to stay at bay,
Words of conflict spill from my lips,
And there goes my peace, so easily it rips,
Ah well, nothing new I suppose,
Lets bring this matter to a close....

Deadlines and due dates,
Assignments, papers and editing, my mind so dearly hates,
Annoyance at those who live in incompetence,
Angered by those who simply choose to exist in ignorance,
But such is life so what can I do,
Diligence is rare but competence remains to only a few,
I pray for their dear souls,
For they have no idea the horrors that Winnie's class holds,

Ah life and its odd quirks,
But I have to say it does have its perks,
Of course I wish for excitement and something a little more,
Some frightfully enjoyable experiences that would help me grow,
Right now everything seems dull and mundane,
And this rigid, hum-drum pace is driving me bloody insane,
I need some fun, some spice, some excitement!
Or in the very least some good entertainment.

Oh well, the day is not over lets see what's in store,
If I will end the day with yet another memorable evening,
Or simply a dull snore.....

SNOREEEEEEEE!!!!!

Ramblings of a psychotically bored mind!
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Happy Daddy's Day!
Dee

As predicted last night, today started out slow... But before I go any further lemme just give a shout out to ALL DADS OUT THERE!!! HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!!!! WOOOOO!!!!

To Uncle Ravee, Uncle Bani, Uncle Albert (though you're not a dad, you might as well start practising now! hee!) Uncle Diva, Uncle Mano, Uncle Raju, Uncle Ranjit (soon soon! hehe) Uncle Balu (also in the process! ), Uncle Ravi (whose awaiting his chance eagerly in JB!)Uncle Vijay (who is probably in Indonesia), Uncle Siva all the way in Singapore, Uncle Saba also cozying up in Singapore, Uncle Kanna (Singapore again!), Grandpa and last but certainly not least, my very own DADDY-Os!!!! HEHEHEHE! I love you all to bits! Hope all of you have a swell day! Don't plague your kids too much!! Muchaz lovez!!! (Jeez, they should have an Uncle's day too by the looks of it :p )





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Blurred, Bored, Beat, Burnt-Out....
Dee
The Saturday has slowly faded away and the grim night gives birth to Sunday. The Sabbath. Unfortunately for me, God has dictated that I would work this day away and thus, I am greeting the Sabbath with work. Sad person. My mind is filled with ramblings of all kinds. I just got off the phone with Arun and we bantered about tons of different stuff. Talking to him is kinda fun... Reminds me a lot about Rakesh. Sheesh, guys and their antics. But thank god I have friends like them for I don't know how I would ever be able to encounter a depressing moment if it wasn't for them, cracking me up at the oddest things and times.

My mind seems blank. Confusing really, as I do have tons to say but somehow they seem almost stuck inside me. Its as if they're refusing to acknowledge the world (well, not so much the world... more like my little cozy reality) Has boredom and worry really thrown me off balance? Or do I just need sleep?

Well, I'll try and check if its the latter first. Sleeping is much more....comforting than checking in to an asylum, a mental asylum. Ah well, nitey nitez loves...
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Blahz...
Dee
Saturday is finally here! WOOOO!! Weekend!!! As much as I would like to jump about like a lunatic in joy, I have to strap myself to my bed and slog away at the idiotic, annoying, inescapable Research Methods paper. Sigh* My mind keep regressing back to my primary years when school was all about play and life was all about who would "friend" me and who wouldn't. How I miss those days. Then came one of the best parts of my life. Secondary school! It rocked super! I enjoyed every second of it! I still remember my seniors telling me, "Oh this is nothing. When you get to college, it will be the best time of your life! Its all play and no work! Trust me!" Trust me, my foot! If I do see those dumbasses again, I swear I'd shoot them with a rubber band right between the eyes! More like all work and NO PLAY! Idiot!

Sigh* ( I seem to be sighing a lot) So much for the much anticipated wall-climbing day! I can't even step out of the room without feeling ladden with guilt! I recall saying that I wanted to be more like Gandhi but I TAKE IT BACK!!!! God knows how he survived with that super enormous super-ego of his! I can't live with the nagging feeling of guilt at the back of my head... Its excruciating! (To my id of course :P )

I know I'm pretty much rambling... All this shmuck is induced by my state of annoyance at life and how it has shackled me to the front of this screen, dooming me to hours of sifting through psychological journals. Not at all my idea of fun. Oh well, what has to be done, has to be done... The only consolation I have would be, at least it beats sitting down with a bunch of equations waiting to be completed.

Laugh* Sigh* Smile* Sigh.....


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Friday at its "Mundanest"...
Dee
Friday has been kind. Though a looming sense of dread fills me (Research Methods assignment) with emotions of fear and anxiety, I feel slightly rejuvenated after a rough couple of days. A lot of things require my attention at the moment but for some (less than weird) reason, I simply cannot focus my thoughts upon completing them. I know Jill is loathing my guts right now as I'm supposed to send in my letter of recommendation from our Mentoring Malaysia days. Well, I will get to it soon. I resolve to get the Research Methods thing up and flaring by tomorrow and grind my nose to the books to finish off the paper over the weekend even if it means I have to do the entire damn thing on my own.

Shamala akka (navin anna's fiance) sent me an sms last night. Unfortunately, as I don't check my maxis number as regularly, I only saw her sms somewhere later in the evening. I replied and everything, but of course, this little interaction set my thought process in a certain direction. I shall not expound upon it as I feel that if I tend to feed in to these thoughts, that are practically begging to resurface right now, I'll just spiral back into a new frenzy of self-pity and most probably wallow in it till I cry myself to sleep. I'm done spilling tears. I don't have tears left in me to shed. Lets move on.

Rakesh came over at about 11 with this movie called Role Models. I have to admit though I was really apprehensive about it, I did enjoy the movie quite a bit. Rakesh was his usual self, full of sexual teases and mischief. The movie we originally intended on watching was Tropic Thunder which for some idiotic reason would not at all play. So we had to resort to watching the movie he had brought in his pen drive. Lying on the bed with the laptop in front of us we laughed at the stupidity the movie offered. (I just have to add this bit cause it was kinda funny, Rakesh wore this jacket-hoody thing and when he came into my room he sorta took it out and according to him the maid in the opposite house saw him do so... And seeing that we were both lying on the bed watching the movie for slightly more than an hour, he later got up and as he was putting the jacket back on he said, you do know that you're neighbour's maid probably thinks we just had sex... I stared at him blankly and he went on to explain the "undressing, and tousled hair" - in my defence, his hair ALWAYS looks like that! All I could do was laugh it off! Me? Have sex? With Rakesh? HAHAHAHAHA! FUNNY!) Okay, my bad, I snoozed of for a minute or so a little towards the end but as usual Rakesh had to leave at 1 coz he had to go watch a movie with a friend of his... So I watched the end of the movie on my own... (I told you I would! Ha!) And it was pretty funny! Filled with profanity and sexual innuendos but utterly and awfully funny. (Yes, yes I eat my words :P )

What else? I suppose I basically spent the whole day catching up on lost sleep and doing house chores... Pretty boring to most people but in an odd, inexplicable way, I found it... therapeutic. I blasted my music (no one at home to whack me on the head for it!) I danced my way through the chores and finally retired early to the room. I know Shyam Akka is going to Kampar tomorrow and I should probably follow her as Swamiji does really want to see me but I just will have to grit my teeth and pass this time as I really need this weekend to finish off the annoying Research Methods paper. Shyte!

A grin, but not quite!
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Morning Blues...
Dee
Some things are better left unexplained but one thing that I can explain is that I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling of dread. Its one of those mornings I suppose. Well, what else could I do except go on with the daily tasks set ahead of me. Usually this sense of dread would be something I could easily brush away as it normally foretells of a possible danger or problem up ahead. Of course my life isn't some rosy walk in the park but problems do tend to be more grave and heart-wrenching with this "warning signal". However, this time its different. It wasn't something sinister that seemed to tug at me, it was more a gloom that seemed to loom over my head. An overbearing sense of loneliness. I usually greet my mornings with a smile and with a small idle walk down memory lane. The bright and cheery one of course. Today, however is different. To be alone is one thing, to feel completely alone is another. I can't explain it further like this but I'll do it the way I know best....

Open my eyes and look around,
Losing again what my heart had first found,
The chill piercing through my skin,
Against fate, who can win?
The smile that faded long ago,
The heart that recovered oh so slow,
Aches once again,
Recognizing that antagonizing pain,

A tear streaks down this cheek,
Hope no longer this heart seeks,
The hand once in mine,
The presence I can longer find,
Long has the time come to say goodbye,
Long has it been since this heart would not cry,
My grip wanes,
My pillow painted with tear stains,

The tighter I hold,
The more my heart grows cold,
I clench my fist harder not to let go,
I shut my eyes tight so the tears will not flow,
The marks my nails leave are nothing compared to the pain your presence did,
My smiles and laughter were welcome for my sorrow they beautifully hid,
But there are seconds that joy loses to misery,
There are glimpses when my soul can truly be me,
Feel the pain thats buried deep,
Let the fears that steadily creep,
Burrowing its hold deeper and harder,
Sending me away, further and further,

Where do I go and what do I seek,
A person so timid, so meek,
Afraid to hold on and afraid to move along,
Wondering if the next step is a mistake or a move that could go wrong,
Questions that always will be there,
A pain that this existence will forever bear,

Was I trouble?
Did I whine or forever grumble?
Was it the way I looked?
Or that my time was seemingly too booked?
Were you unsure,
Was my presence too much to endure?
When did I become a pain?
When did I become simple and utterly plain?
Was I too easy to neglect?
Or did you expect me to be perfect?
Hardest of all I ask you this,
Was I your mistake, is that what this is?
Was that all I was?
Was I never yours?

Forget my tears,
Be blinded to my fears,
But look at me and tell me,
That in my eyes the care you cannot see,
Face me and say,
That what happened was nothing more than a dream of my mind, a play,
Tell me my memories were nothing but lies,
Tell me that my thoughts logic it defies,
Look at me and say that I was nothing,
Tell me that everytime you said you cared, you were lying,

I'll believe it all,
I'll believe that I was your greatest fall,
Your mistake,
And for your sake,
I'll take that blame,
I'll take the guilt, the pain all the same,

I'll fade away I promise you,
And time will see that through..
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Monday, June 29, 2009

Happy Birthday Adie!!!!!!

Monday, June 29, 2009 Posted by Dee

Its Adie's bday today!! I'm so glad that we had a wonderful night out yesterday!! Thank you Teejay!! You're totally awesome!!! And what was even more awesome was the fact that Teejay SANG for Adie!! It was sooooo sweeet!!!! Hahaha, Teejay, you owe me! You're officially one step closer to curing yourself of your greatest fear! Adie sweetz, I hope you had a good time as we certainly did and I simply want to wish you all the happiness, joy and love life has to offer!!




She tickles me silly,
She full of laugh and ever so giggly,
Full of life, zest and
laughter,
Adie I hope you live happily ever after!

Her hands are always all over me,
Sometimes I wish she would really leave me be,
But then again, when she rests her head on my shoulder,
You can't help but want to forever love and protect her.

The person who's detrimental to my self esteem,
Trust me, she's not at all as innocent as she may seem,
Sex, sex and more sex is all she seems to talk about,
And boy, when she squeals, she's ever so loud!

She's sweet, lovable and utterly sassy,
She's a babe, gorgeous and oh so classy,
Mock me all you like when I eat young lady,
But I'll love you forever my darling Adie...

She keeps saying that she's stupid and dumb,
She also says she's lazy and she's a total bum,
A smack on the head if I hear you say that again!
And yes, you are indeed insane...

Jokes aside, you have to know,
There's something about you, a glow,
You're warm, affectionate and simply beautiful,
You're a joy to be around, you're wonderful,
Adie you're a friend like no other,
I wish you joy forever and ever,
Happy birthday my sweetest Adie,
Have a blast! Feel awesome! Go CRAZY!!!!


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Sunday, June 28, 2009

You're Among The Real Stars Now..

Sunday, June 28, 2009 Posted by Dee
I know a lot of people are hyping over the Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson demise... I'm not going to deny that I'm not really all bummed out over it but I am kind of suprised at how people are taking the news. Usually when someone passes on, people mourn his/her loss and rave about how wonderful the person truly was(forget the fact that these people were probably the person's biggest detractors of all!) but in the case of Michael Jackson, a lot of people seemed nonchalant, devastated or seemingly glad( which I have to say takes evil to a whole new level-he died people! A lot show of respect here!)

I was having a chat with my parents and to be frank I found it quite shocking really that both of them seemed to think that he had "wasted" his life or "thrown it away" as he seemed to have had all the talent in the world and yet lived an "unfulfilling life". Though I said nothing to dispute this fact, I had this tiny nagging voice in my head that kept wheedling, who are we to judge? This is a man who had been robbed of a childhood, thrust into the spotlight at a tender age, exploited for fame and money so to speak, endured child molestation charges, lived an eccentric and luxurious lifestyle, somehow managed to change the color of his skin, gone through so many plastic surgeries Elizabeth Taylor would be put to shame, opened his very own fairytale theme park which amazingly and horrifyingly was free, had two divorces and children by surrogacy and gone through bankcruptcy and finally an untimely death. Lets not forget the number of various illnesses he contracted through his numerous plastic surgeries and his addiction to prescription medication.

The man was often seen as an oddball. No one could fathom his moves, his thoughts or his actions. He had a strange and almost bizzare attachment to children which could be psychologically explained away with his own childhood. He endured severe physical, emotional and mental abuse from his father when he was young. I shall not go into the details as it is all merely hearsay and I have neither evidence nor fact to back this up. But from Michael's perspective, this trauma did him a lot of damage. His father's need for fame for the boys, the Jackson 5, was driven by barbaric and cruel acts of whipping, name-calling and beating. Michael was forced to abandon the joys of childhood and think of performing as a means of earning a life. He was robbed of the innocence that children possess and he was literally forced to grow up. Assuming responsibilities is not easy, but honestly, I do know the pain of growing up before your time. To be frank, I never really felt like much of a child. Forever having to be mature and grown-up, I can't really recall my childhood and I do know what it feels like to look back and wonder what it must have truly been like. And in my case, its so much less severe in comparison to Michael's but I suppose I can empathize to a certain extent. His fondness for children can almost be explained to the notions that speak of nothing but innocence.

Upon having to relinquish one's childhood, it becomes really endearing to have another child experience joy at our own expense. I love children and it gives me great joy in spending time with children. The innocence in their eyes and the way the look at you with unbiased, unfragmented love is something that cannot be attained elsewhere. No matter who or what a person is or claims, it is impossible that people will not judge. But when you look into the eyes of children that have not yet been tainted by social norms, expectations, pressure or life itself, you feel serenity and peace and love. That is what Michael felt and that is what he had hoped to feel which explains his profound doting on children. I am not trying to justify what could have happened or explain away what did, but this is a mere possibility that I feel deserves a fraction of our attention.

A lot of people call me naive or plain ignorant. May be I am. I'm not at liberty to deny anything but I would like to believe in the good of people. I believe that every human being deserves a chance as everybody has good in them. Situations and influences make people who they are but deep down, every person has some good in their souls. Of course, I'm not as ignorant as to say that a person is not responsible for his/her actions. They definitely are and in no way are they exempt from being held responsible for their wrongdoings in my eyes but I do feel and truly believe that people make mistakes and they make the most horrendous ones but that gives us no right to deem this person's soul as being forever unredeemable. Innocent until proven guitly seems to have lost its hold on people these days. Skepticim and cynicism in the name of reality and practicality have robbed us of our rights to looking at individuals without a strain of biasness or prejudice. What about heinous murderers, rapists and child abusers? I'm not stupid. My blood boils as much as the next person upon hearing such news but it does not mean that I would subject myself to judging these people. I don't know them and I would never say that these people were the offspring of Satan himself, but the work (or wrongs they have committed) are the work of evil itself. These people should be held responsible for their actions but it is never in our graces to deny the chance at repenting their sins. Who are we to look down on a person and deny them penitence?

Forgive me if I had offended anyone. I know that my words may be strongly disagreed by many and there will be many conflicts on my ideas and my beliefs.

But it is something within me that says that people are essentially good. Somewhere in them is a piece of untainted goodwill. Scoff all you like and shake your head in disbelief but one day when the time comes that you need someone to look your way with trust and confidence, I will be there. Not to remind you of this reproachful moment, but to tell you that I essentially believe you are indeed a good person.
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Saturday's Sanity...

Sunday, June 28, 2009 Posted by Dee
Saturday has been pretty boring really... Apart from the market and stuff, nothing really interesting took place. I suppose the highlight of the day would be this evening when I headed out with Rakesh to Pyramid as he wanted to get some shirts and t-shirts for his Langkawi trip. What a nightmare! Not only was the place abysmally limited in choice, there was absolutely no outlet that HAD ANY SALES WORTH CHECKING OUT!!! Supremely annoying! Ah well, we then headed out to Carl's Junior where Rakesh had a burger while I picked at his fries and drink. Typical me, wasn't really hungry at the time. We spent the rest of the time just walking around and finally decided to leave. Of course we spent our time talking about the usual stuff. Life, romance and of course Rakesh's sexual trysts, which I have to admit is pretty amusing as it is shocking. As I promised there would be no mention of any detail, I shall uphold that promise and end that little note right here. We called it a night at about 10 30-ish and it took us another half-goddamned hour to get out of Pyramid thanks to the brilliance in structural planning. Seriously, you'd think these idiots who spent tons of cash constructing the place would THINK that it needs more than ONE FREAKING exit!!! Sheesh!!! But apparently not... Anywayz, as I got into the car I felt hungry and one thing led to another and we were having a heated debate about the virtues (or otherwise) of Michael Jackson. Strange topic considering neither of us are actual fans, but yeah, I guess weirder things have happened in the world. The one wonderful thing about tonight would be the fact that I managed to slap Rakesh a number of times and of course, pinch, whack and smack him. Rakesh, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, I promise next time will be A LOT HARDER!!! Hahahahah!!!

Signing out with much love
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Friday, June 26, 2009

Come Back To Me

Friday, June 26, 2009 Posted by Dee

I'm seriously hooked on this song... I love the way the melody flows... Utada Hikaru did an awesome job on this song... Its one of those songs you'd love to sing to yourself to sleep.... Beautiful...


Come Back To Me- Utada Hikaru


The rain falls on my windows

And the coldness runs through my soul
And the rain falls, oh the rain falls
I don’t want to be alone

I wish that I could photoshop on
Our bad memories
Because the flashbacks, oh the flashbacks
Won’t leave me alone

If you come back to me
I’ll be all that you need
Baby, come back to me
Let me make up for what happened in the past

Chorus
(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(You’re one in a million)

Memories I have of Manhattan
She goes shopping for new clothes
And she buys this, and she buys that
Just leave her alone
I wish that he would listen to her
Side of the story
It isn’t that bad, it isn’t that bad
And she’s wiser for it now

I admit I cheated (admit I cheated )
Don’t know why I did it (why I did it)
But I do regret it (do regret it)
Nothing I can do or say can change the past

Chorus
(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(You’re one in a million)

Everything I ever did
Heaven knows I’m sorry but
I was too young to see
You were always there for me
And my curiosity
Got the better half of me
Baby take it easy on me
Anything from A to Z
Tell me what you want to be
I open my heart to be
You are more priority
Can’t you see you punished me
More than enough already
Baby take it easy on me

Baby take it easy on me
Baby come back to me
Baby come back to me

Chorus
(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(You’re one in a million)

(Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
Boy you’re one in a million (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
I’ll be everything you need (Come back)
Baby come back to me (Come back)
You’re one in a million
(One in a million)

La la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la
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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Adie & Teejay!!!!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 Posted by Dee



Wow... such a long time has passed since I've actually been able to blog! DAMN RESEARCH METHODS!!! HAiz... So glad that one's over =) First things first!!! A BIG ANNIVERSARY SHOUT OUT TO ADIE AND TEEJAY!!!! YEEEEE!!! You crazy kids have an awesome time kayz!!!!
Jill, Gling and I were at seksyen17... We went to Lup Soon and on the way had awesome SOYA BEAN!!! Yummm!!! Between us, we had 4 glasses not to mention, we packed two drinks earlier on! So seeing that adie and teejay are celebrating their 4th month anniversary, we had 4 glasses on their behalf!! (Really, we just needed an excuse for those 4 glasses! :P )





Hope you two love birds have an awesome time!!! LOVE YA!!! Teejay~ word of caution, you break Adie's heart I'll break your legs!!! Have a good time y'all!!!!



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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Assignment Frenzy!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 Posted by Dee
God knows how I managed to pull of Research Methods!! I think I seem to have a Group Curse! Everytime I randomly end up with people I'm not too familiar with I tend to end up with the worst kind!!! Heavens knows that over the years, I've seen my fair share of incompetence and idiocy... but this time I think procrastination, sheer insolence in terms of shirking and a blatant disregard for another individual's grades takes the cake! I mean, I do know that at times some of them in the group did actually try but what really confuses me of the pair would be, how in the freaking world did they manage to stay afloat in this course for so long?? Apart from the apalling language, they had no independent intelligence nor were they even remotely resourceful in locating the required sources to equip them with background information on the topic we had all agreed to tackle. I'll admit, I'm not perfect. I am very much a procrastinator and shamefully, I have not changed one bit despite the numerous occasions in which I have vowed to do so. Shame on me.

BUT, the difference with me and these girls would be the fact that, though I do my work last minute, my work has to be of substance. I place a lot of emphasis on doing the best I can and though at times (when I'm really frazzled) it may fall short, I know my strengths and my weaknesses and know how to play around them. I do not at any instance, allow my actions or my choices to affect the grades of my groupmates or affect the quality of work that is to be submitted. Which I quite bitterly have to add is really the contrary in this instance.

One of my groupmates, being the most senior, I would have expected to pave the way and sort of lead us through. My how was I mistaken. She became the biggest obstacle throughout the entire assignment and we had to work AROUND her and not even with her. Though the other two did try their level best, I felt that I was constantly having to rectify and re-work what they had done which took more time than me actually writing the thing on my own!

Life will never be fair but the least I can hope for is that, through this experience I know not to rely on people too much. Atleast I have the consolation that I am very much capable of carrying out a group assignment on my own accord. Yayy me!
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Sunday, June 21, 2009

Of Night and Reality

Sunday, June 21, 2009 Posted by Dee
When I look up and our eyes meet,
A tiny smile, a wink, a twinkle in your eyes readily greets,
My cheeks blush as I nervously bite my lip,
The excitement within me I can't keep,
Your hand slides around mine,
Your eyes shine,
I feel warm, I feel love, I feel you,
Somehow I know its real, I know its true,
Your cheek grazes my palm,
Your embrace keeps me safe, it keeps me calm,
The tip of our noses brush,
In me I feel my heart rush,
I slide my head down and rest it against you,
And you slide your arms around me as you always do....

I feel safe, I feel loved, I feel secure,
It is you, I'm sure....

I open my eyes,
I hear my own cries,
The tip of my fingers caress my cold wet cheeks,
The heart plays such evil tricks,
I shiver in the cold,
With nothing but my pain to hold,
The ache doesn't go away,
My heart has lost the will to pray,
My lips quiver in sorrow,
My soul begs that there will be no tomorrow,
My eyes shut I think of nothing,
Nothing to live for, no joy life can bring....

You're gone,
Those eyes that once shone,
Like a beacon of hope,
Now that its gone, how do I survive, how do I cope,
The hands that gave me strength,
You made me dream in length,
My life was a dream,
For it always seemed,
That if you loved me, I could never go wrong,
Life seemed an eternity, I had so long,
To have all that and have it ripped from inside me,
You were blind to my tears and my plea,
My heart singed from the inside,
A pain so difficult to hide...

I shut my eyes and welcome darkness,
A life that seems void of joy or happiness,
I let the cold embrace me,
As emptiness is all I can be,
A shell,
A life of one destined for hell,
I kiss the night goodbye,
And one last time live my lie....


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Snooze....

Sunday, June 21, 2009 Posted by Dee
Its cold outside,
Books and mess fills the space by my side,
Such disarray such chaos,
My throat feels scratchy and slightly hoarse,
Flooded by thoughts, my mind is oddly blank,
I feel floaty and slightly off, to be quite frank...

What a day,
Somehow troubles never seem to stay at bay,
Words of conflict spill from my lips,
And there goes my peace, so easily it rips,
Ah well, nothing new I suppose,
Lets bring this matter to a close....

Deadlines and due dates,
Assignments, papers and editing, my mind so dearly hates,
Annoyance at those who live in incompetence,
Angered by those who simply choose to exist in ignorance,
But such is life so what can I do,
Diligence is rare but competence remains to only a few,
I pray for their dear souls,
For they have no idea the horrors that Winnie's class holds,

Ah life and its odd quirks,
But I have to say it does have its perks,
Of course I wish for excitement and something a little more,
Some frightfully enjoyable experiences that would help me grow,
Right now everything seems dull and mundane,
And this rigid, hum-drum pace is driving me bloody insane,
I need some fun, some spice, some excitement!
Or in the very least some good entertainment.

Oh well, the day is not over lets see what's in store,
If I will end the day with yet another memorable evening,
Or simply a dull snore.....

SNOREEEEEEEE!!!!!

Ramblings of a psychotically bored mind!
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Happy Daddy's Day!

Sunday, June 21, 2009 Posted by Dee

As predicted last night, today started out slow... But before I go any further lemme just give a shout out to ALL DADS OUT THERE!!! HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!!!! WOOOOO!!!!

To Uncle Ravee, Uncle Bani, Uncle Albert (though you're not a dad, you might as well start practising now! hee!) Uncle Diva, Uncle Mano, Uncle Raju, Uncle Ranjit (soon soon! hehe) Uncle Balu (also in the process! ), Uncle Ravi (whose awaiting his chance eagerly in JB!)Uncle Vijay (who is probably in Indonesia), Uncle Siva all the way in Singapore, Uncle Saba also cozying up in Singapore, Uncle Kanna (Singapore again!), Grandpa and last but certainly not least, my very own DADDY-Os!!!! HEHEHEHE! I love you all to bits! Hope all of you have a swell day! Don't plague your kids too much!! Muchaz lovez!!! (Jeez, they should have an Uncle's day too by the looks of it :p )





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Blurred, Bored, Beat, Burnt-Out....

Sunday, June 21, 2009 Posted by Dee
The Saturday has slowly faded away and the grim night gives birth to Sunday. The Sabbath. Unfortunately for me, God has dictated that I would work this day away and thus, I am greeting the Sabbath with work. Sad person. My mind is filled with ramblings of all kinds. I just got off the phone with Arun and we bantered about tons of different stuff. Talking to him is kinda fun... Reminds me a lot about Rakesh. Sheesh, guys and their antics. But thank god I have friends like them for I don't know how I would ever be able to encounter a depressing moment if it wasn't for them, cracking me up at the oddest things and times.

My mind seems blank. Confusing really, as I do have tons to say but somehow they seem almost stuck inside me. Its as if they're refusing to acknowledge the world (well, not so much the world... more like my little cozy reality) Has boredom and worry really thrown me off balance? Or do I just need sleep?

Well, I'll try and check if its the latter first. Sleeping is much more....comforting than checking in to an asylum, a mental asylum. Ah well, nitey nitez loves...
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Saturday, June 20, 2009

Blahz...

Saturday, June 20, 2009 Posted by Dee
Saturday is finally here! WOOOO!! Weekend!!! As much as I would like to jump about like a lunatic in joy, I have to strap myself to my bed and slog away at the idiotic, annoying, inescapable Research Methods paper. Sigh* My mind keep regressing back to my primary years when school was all about play and life was all about who would "friend" me and who wouldn't. How I miss those days. Then came one of the best parts of my life. Secondary school! It rocked super! I enjoyed every second of it! I still remember my seniors telling me, "Oh this is nothing. When you get to college, it will be the best time of your life! Its all play and no work! Trust me!" Trust me, my foot! If I do see those dumbasses again, I swear I'd shoot them with a rubber band right between the eyes! More like all work and NO PLAY! Idiot!

Sigh* ( I seem to be sighing a lot) So much for the much anticipated wall-climbing day! I can't even step out of the room without feeling ladden with guilt! I recall saying that I wanted to be more like Gandhi but I TAKE IT BACK!!!! God knows how he survived with that super enormous super-ego of his! I can't live with the nagging feeling of guilt at the back of my head... Its excruciating! (To my id of course :P )

I know I'm pretty much rambling... All this shmuck is induced by my state of annoyance at life and how it has shackled me to the front of this screen, dooming me to hours of sifting through psychological journals. Not at all my idea of fun. Oh well, what has to be done, has to be done... The only consolation I have would be, at least it beats sitting down with a bunch of equations waiting to be completed.

Laugh* Sigh* Smile* Sigh.....


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Friday, June 19, 2009

Friday at its "Mundanest"...

Friday, June 19, 2009 Posted by Dee
Friday has been kind. Though a looming sense of dread fills me (Research Methods assignment) with emotions of fear and anxiety, I feel slightly rejuvenated after a rough couple of days. A lot of things require my attention at the moment but for some (less than weird) reason, I simply cannot focus my thoughts upon completing them. I know Jill is loathing my guts right now as I'm supposed to send in my letter of recommendation from our Mentoring Malaysia days. Well, I will get to it soon. I resolve to get the Research Methods thing up and flaring by tomorrow and grind my nose to the books to finish off the paper over the weekend even if it means I have to do the entire damn thing on my own.

Shamala akka (navin anna's fiance) sent me an sms last night. Unfortunately, as I don't check my maxis number as regularly, I only saw her sms somewhere later in the evening. I replied and everything, but of course, this little interaction set my thought process in a certain direction. I shall not expound upon it as I feel that if I tend to feed in to these thoughts, that are practically begging to resurface right now, I'll just spiral back into a new frenzy of self-pity and most probably wallow in it till I cry myself to sleep. I'm done spilling tears. I don't have tears left in me to shed. Lets move on.

Rakesh came over at about 11 with this movie called Role Models. I have to admit though I was really apprehensive about it, I did enjoy the movie quite a bit. Rakesh was his usual self, full of sexual teases and mischief. The movie we originally intended on watching was Tropic Thunder which for some idiotic reason would not at all play. So we had to resort to watching the movie he had brought in his pen drive. Lying on the bed with the laptop in front of us we laughed at the stupidity the movie offered. (I just have to add this bit cause it was kinda funny, Rakesh wore this jacket-hoody thing and when he came into my room he sorta took it out and according to him the maid in the opposite house saw him do so... And seeing that we were both lying on the bed watching the movie for slightly more than an hour, he later got up and as he was putting the jacket back on he said, you do know that you're neighbour's maid probably thinks we just had sex... I stared at him blankly and he went on to explain the "undressing, and tousled hair" - in my defence, his hair ALWAYS looks like that! All I could do was laugh it off! Me? Have sex? With Rakesh? HAHAHAHAHA! FUNNY!) Okay, my bad, I snoozed of for a minute or so a little towards the end but as usual Rakesh had to leave at 1 coz he had to go watch a movie with a friend of his... So I watched the end of the movie on my own... (I told you I would! Ha!) And it was pretty funny! Filled with profanity and sexual innuendos but utterly and awfully funny. (Yes, yes I eat my words :P )

What else? I suppose I basically spent the whole day catching up on lost sleep and doing house chores... Pretty boring to most people but in an odd, inexplicable way, I found it... therapeutic. I blasted my music (no one at home to whack me on the head for it!) I danced my way through the chores and finally retired early to the room. I know Shyam Akka is going to Kampar tomorrow and I should probably follow her as Swamiji does really want to see me but I just will have to grit my teeth and pass this time as I really need this weekend to finish off the annoying Research Methods paper. Shyte!

A grin, but not quite!
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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Morning Blues...

Thursday, June 18, 2009 Posted by Dee
Some things are better left unexplained but one thing that I can explain is that I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling of dread. Its one of those mornings I suppose. Well, what else could I do except go on with the daily tasks set ahead of me. Usually this sense of dread would be something I could easily brush away as it normally foretells of a possible danger or problem up ahead. Of course my life isn't some rosy walk in the park but problems do tend to be more grave and heart-wrenching with this "warning signal". However, this time its different. It wasn't something sinister that seemed to tug at me, it was more a gloom that seemed to loom over my head. An overbearing sense of loneliness. I usually greet my mornings with a smile and with a small idle walk down memory lane. The bright and cheery one of course. Today, however is different. To be alone is one thing, to feel completely alone is another. I can't explain it further like this but I'll do it the way I know best....

Open my eyes and look around,
Losing again what my heart had first found,
The chill piercing through my skin,
Against fate, who can win?
The smile that faded long ago,
The heart that recovered oh so slow,
Aches once again,
Recognizing that antagonizing pain,

A tear streaks down this cheek,
Hope no longer this heart seeks,
The hand once in mine,
The presence I can longer find,
Long has the time come to say goodbye,
Long has it been since this heart would not cry,
My grip wanes,
My pillow painted with tear stains,

The tighter I hold,
The more my heart grows cold,
I clench my fist harder not to let go,
I shut my eyes tight so the tears will not flow,
The marks my nails leave are nothing compared to the pain your presence did,
My smiles and laughter were welcome for my sorrow they beautifully hid,
But there are seconds that joy loses to misery,
There are glimpses when my soul can truly be me,
Feel the pain thats buried deep,
Let the fears that steadily creep,
Burrowing its hold deeper and harder,
Sending me away, further and further,

Where do I go and what do I seek,
A person so timid, so meek,
Afraid to hold on and afraid to move along,
Wondering if the next step is a mistake or a move that could go wrong,
Questions that always will be there,
A pain that this existence will forever bear,

Was I trouble?
Did I whine or forever grumble?
Was it the way I looked?
Or that my time was seemingly too booked?
Were you unsure,
Was my presence too much to endure?
When did I become a pain?
When did I become simple and utterly plain?
Was I too easy to neglect?
Or did you expect me to be perfect?
Hardest of all I ask you this,
Was I your mistake, is that what this is?
Was that all I was?
Was I never yours?

Forget my tears,
Be blinded to my fears,
But look at me and tell me,
That in my eyes the care you cannot see,
Face me and say,
That what happened was nothing more than a dream of my mind, a play,
Tell me my memories were nothing but lies,
Tell me that my thoughts logic it defies,
Look at me and say that I was nothing,
Tell me that everytime you said you cared, you were lying,

I'll believe it all,
I'll believe that I was your greatest fall,
Your mistake,
And for your sake,
I'll take that blame,
I'll take the guilt, the pain all the same,

I'll fade away I promise you,
And time will see that through..
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