Dee
My hopes lay ashen,
My dreams scattered, broken,
I would run away,
I would pray,
I would cry,
I would die,

But nothing brings you back,
Nothing turns my heart white from black,
How do I stop falling in love with you,
How would you,

I would run away,
I would find another day,
I would cry,
I would die,

Who would pick these pieces,
Who would wait till this pain ceases,
Its torn, its broke, its gone,
Its over, its finished, its done.

Where would I turn,
When my heart burns,
The tears flow,
The pain grows,

Where do I run,
I'm broken,
Where do I fly,
As I die,
On the inside,
How do I hide,
The pain of this love,
A curse blessed from above,
My end,
Its godsend.......
Dee
Another year has come to pass... All the dreaded sorrows and the yearned joys were savored with enthusiasm and despair alike. Life or rather, fate has been kind. I've been blessed beyond all that I had anticipated. Looking back at the cards that I'd been dealt with, I wondered if moving forward would ever be possible... Now I wonder what I would have done if I hadn't pushed forward. In essence, I suppose life is a testament of our endurance and our faith in ourselves. I'm glad I didn't give up. But the credit of this perseverance is not mine to claim alone as I owe it to my family and friends. The very people who made 2010 an experience in entirety.
Trials and tribulations have always been faithful accompaniments of mine.... But far faithful yet have been my friends and family who have never left my side.

Through all those times I had never considered myself a blessed person. Until now that is. Looking back, I thank God for the wisdom I've attained from those painful times for I have to agree that there is no better teacher than experience itself. I'm stronger, wiser and (I'm hoping) a better person.

I left my family behind and I thought I had lost my biggest support system. I felt alone and abandoned. That despair prolonged for a good couple of months. I never thought things would change and my heart longed to be back home. Just when I was ready to throw in the towel, I found friends. Friends who became simply more than just friends. They became a family that my heart craved so much for. They replaced the role my family members played and more. They cared for me and I cared for them more than I had ever cared before. Being in a country where we had no family (essentially thats how I felt) we turned to each other for comfort, solace and most of all a sense of belonging.

They alleviated my longing for a family. I had found a family of my own right here in the place that I had despised so profusely for making me feel obsolete. The place that I had blamed for my desertion had ended up enriching me beyond my wildest dreams. I had found people who took me in their arms and loved me with all my faults and drawbacks... Who looked at my terrible sides and still found it in them to love me. I truly found a family. And for this very reason, I can never thank them enough and I doubt I could love them enough.

A year has flown by in their arms and I look forward to another year to bask in their love if God so graciously permits.

I count my blessings every day but today I feel as if I can't because I feel blessed beyond numbers....
Dee



I adore Bruno Mars and when he dishes out songs like these who won't?!

Call me morbid and everything but another song that speaks volumes! LOVE

Grenade- Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no
Dee
How does a person have their whole world and then turn back to nothingness? I don't understand why I feel so affected by the departure of a dear friend but I just am. I used to look forward to the weekends so much I didn't know how much till they were taken away. The prospect of sleeping on a cold hard floor enamoured me so much that I didn't mind walking miles with bags laden on my tired shoulders in the sweltering heat of the afternoon sun. I left behind a luxurious room and house filled with goodies, a television at my disposal, an attached bathroom, a huge bed and space enough to accommodate five. I left all that for something less in material wealth and space but yet gained more. I left that all for a place I called home more sincerely than I ever have since I stepped foot on this foreign land. I went home to a single person who was more distant in blood to me than the next person but who was closer to my heart than most would care to understand.

The saying "home is where the heart is" took a whole new meaning in my eyes. For the first time, I actually understood the depth of what it meant. It didn't matter to me that after exhausting nights of studying, I came home to a floor and instead of having a fully stocked larder, I had a tiny cupboard to rifle through. I came home to more, I came home to a tiny person who cared and loved me as much as I did her. I came home to someone I regarded as family.

We didn't do or say much. But the simple things that we did held more definition to me than most memories I hold. Simple things like making coffee for each other. her crazy hair coming out from the covers to shut her alarm that would annoy the hell out of me as it rang every five minutes, her legs propped against the wall like pillars, the insane amount of time she would use to do her hair or even the simple things like how she would grin her heart out when she did something she knew would annoy me were things that meant so little at the time but now seem so paramount in effect. What I wouldn't give to have at least one of those moments back.

It doesn't matter that others don't understand how much of a loss her absence in presence is to me. I never expected them to. But I hope she does. I hope she knows how much I miss her and how I think of her every day and every night. I hope she realizes that she didn't merely provide me with a place to stay in my time of need, she provided me with a family when I felt alone. She gave me a place to belong to when I felt lost, and I don't mean a place where I could rest my head, I mean a place where my heart felt at peace. She will always have my heart wherever she is though I truly wish she was here with me....



I miss you Nisha and I always will.....
Dee
Tiny, frail fingers reached out into the air,
Pale and wrinkly, they were bare,
Love and warmth enveloped them,
Blanketed by cotton and lace right to the hem....

Grew they did and reach out,
Touching and feeling the world about,
The soft tender strokes of mum's lips,
The rough graze of dads cheeks and his playful nips....

Colour and noise they grew into,
Grab at toys they did but only at a few,
Pictures and images they loved to feel,
Pages of wonder was what sealed the deal....

More did these hands grow to touch,
The wonders life provided were such,
Hand in hand the tiny fingers twirled,
Of laughter, tiny giggles and claps did they swirl....

To hold a pencil came the first task,
A new role to play, a new mask,
The weight of expectation begins to form,
Guidance came, all sweet and warm.

The grip on the pencil grew stronger,
The pressures with it grew harder,
Sweat and toil began to fester,
Of strength and courage these delicate strands muster....

To caress and hold they now knew,
But only for a few,
Those that they wished to show love and affection,
An undying dedication of love and passion....

Hitting hard at boards with letters,
As the icons move in tiny patters,
The smooth surface that these nimble tips brush,
A stark contrast to the weathered palms that were once lush....

Grown and weathered these bright brown feelers may be,
But the world they have seen,
Today they wonder of the touch they first knew,
The feel of emptiness, the darkness in dews...

They claw into the abyss,
Searching, groping, grieving....
Holding on to the single strand of hope,
That the treasure that lay beyond will help them cope,
With the hardness and roughness that life has set,
They search for the familiar warmth they once had....
Dee
Not a thousand years ago,
Four friends were on the go,
To scour the land for delicious morsels,
A journey filled with banter, laughter and giggles.

Arrived they did at their hashery of choice,
The three roses stepped in with more smiles and noise,
The thorn was left behind rummaging,
For in his bag he was endlessly digging.

As the cuisines were picked in that chilly night,
In walks the harrowed thorn, a frightful sight!
The keys I've locked in our wagon,
Breathes the twitchy, agonized sanguine.

The other three stare bewildered,
What a state in to be rendered,
Are you sure, have you checked, how did you manage that, they all quipped,
With his head in his hands, the poor lad looked simply whipped.

Never matter, let us try to save the day, said the bright red one,
And before their meals arrived, two from the table were gone,
Silence loomed over the yellow and pink of the two,
Brood and worry began to stew.

Fruitlessly the two were recalled,
As plates presented had put their efforts on stall,
Mutter and chatter were scarce for once,
All four were embroiled in a silent trance.

The only resolve was an hour away,
But who would they call upon to save this harrowing day?
The pink of them had a name,
And all four prayed for hope till their saviour came.

Futile efforts were once more carried at their carriage,
But all their toil lay in carnage,
Stares and jokes they did attract,
They looked like goons that night, that is a fact.

Their knight in shining transit did soon arrive,
The four then shone alive,
Ever grateful they were to be rescued,
For the cold would have started a heated feud.

Laugh they did at the impish thorn,
But the poor dear did seem truly forlorn,
Yet his antics were one to remember,
And the three shall forget this never.

More laughter and chatter filled the lively clunker,
Excitement came from laughing, teasing and banter,
The rogue of the night was indeed picked on,
But then again, he was the night's moron.

The journey to the other end of state,
Had brought them into the day late,
Weary they were growing,
But the journey they were loving.

As the day's adventure came to an end,
All four thanked their god's sent,
Ever grateful they were,
For their knight in shining armour truly was a dear.

Without his noble aid, they would have been stranded,
And who knows how their night would have ended,
They bid goodbye and clambered into their loyal wagon,
The four moved on into the night as a renewed tightly-knit brethren.

An adventure in the eyes of the four,
With their children they shall someday laugh and share this lore,
Closer together they left that night,
A joy and a wrong turned out better than a right.

This piece I dedicate to our little adventure,
For this certainly is a blunder to remember,
A night cherished and will always be laughed upon,
A night that brought five friends together with bonds reborn.
Dee
Fingers grazing my dreams,
Pain brushing my screams,
I look in the mirror and wonder,
What comes after,
The meaning of the shadow that falls behind,
The terrors of the night in your arms I find,
The embrace of that turned vice,
The laugh that turned to cries,
Stony grey ice staring back,
The day that turns black,
Of warmth comes chill,
A stroll on a journey uphill,

Leaves that fall,
Build a brick wall,
A dam that holds within,
The reservoir of bitter sin,
Time trickles down my cheek,
The light my eyes seek,
As my fingers grip the empty air,
The face of a blank stare.....

What lies behind is told,
What lay ahead waiting to unfold,
The lips whisper,
The heart and mind suffer,
The lights dim as the curtain unfurls,
As colour swirls,

A visage of miracles,
A life of debacles,
As the last tear trickles,
And the face wrinkles....

The last never ends,
The circle never bends....

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Runaway


My hopes lay ashen,
My dreams scattered, broken,
I would run away,
I would pray,
I would cry,
I would die,

But nothing brings you back,
Nothing turns my heart white from black,
How do I stop falling in love with you,
How would you,

I would run away,
I would find another day,
I would cry,
I would die,

Who would pick these pieces,
Who would wait till this pain ceases,
Its torn, its broke, its gone,
Its over, its finished, its done.

Where would I turn,
When my heart burns,
The tears flow,
The pain grows,

Where do I run,
I'm broken,
Where do I fly,
As I die,
On the inside,
How do I hide,
The pain of this love,
A curse blessed from above,
My end,
Its godsend.......

Sunday, January 02, 2011

A New One


Another year has come to pass... All the dreaded sorrows and the yearned joys were savored with enthusiasm and despair alike. Life or rather, fate has been kind. I've been blessed beyond all that I had anticipated. Looking back at the cards that I'd been dealt with, I wondered if moving forward would ever be possible... Now I wonder what I would have done if I hadn't pushed forward. In essence, I suppose life is a testament of our endurance and our faith in ourselves. I'm glad I didn't give up. But the credit of this perseverance is not mine to claim alone as I owe it to my family and friends. The very people who made 2010 an experience in entirety.
Trials and tribulations have always been faithful accompaniments of mine.... But far faithful yet have been my friends and family who have never left my side.

Through all those times I had never considered myself a blessed person. Until now that is. Looking back, I thank God for the wisdom I've attained from those painful times for I have to agree that there is no better teacher than experience itself. I'm stronger, wiser and (I'm hoping) a better person.

I left my family behind and I thought I had lost my biggest support system. I felt alone and abandoned. That despair prolonged for a good couple of months. I never thought things would change and my heart longed to be back home. Just when I was ready to throw in the towel, I found friends. Friends who became simply more than just friends. They became a family that my heart craved so much for. They replaced the role my family members played and more. They cared for me and I cared for them more than I had ever cared before. Being in a country where we had no family (essentially thats how I felt) we turned to each other for comfort, solace and most of all a sense of belonging.

They alleviated my longing for a family. I had found a family of my own right here in the place that I had despised so profusely for making me feel obsolete. The place that I had blamed for my desertion had ended up enriching me beyond my wildest dreams. I had found people who took me in their arms and loved me with all my faults and drawbacks... Who looked at my terrible sides and still found it in them to love me. I truly found a family. And for this very reason, I can never thank them enough and I doubt I could love them enough.

A year has flown by in their arms and I look forward to another year to bask in their love if God so graciously permits.

I count my blessings every day but today I feel as if I can't because I feel blessed beyond numbers....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Grenade





I adore Bruno Mars and when he dishes out songs like these who won't?!

Call me morbid and everything but another song that speaks volumes! LOVE

Grenade- Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Home is Where the Heart Is


How does a person have their whole world and then turn back to nothingness? I don't understand why I feel so affected by the departure of a dear friend but I just am. I used to look forward to the weekends so much I didn't know how much till they were taken away. The prospect of sleeping on a cold hard floor enamoured me so much that I didn't mind walking miles with bags laden on my tired shoulders in the sweltering heat of the afternoon sun. I left behind a luxurious room and house filled with goodies, a television at my disposal, an attached bathroom, a huge bed and space enough to accommodate five. I left all that for something less in material wealth and space but yet gained more. I left that all for a place I called home more sincerely than I ever have since I stepped foot on this foreign land. I went home to a single person who was more distant in blood to me than the next person but who was closer to my heart than most would care to understand.

The saying "home is where the heart is" took a whole new meaning in my eyes. For the first time, I actually understood the depth of what it meant. It didn't matter to me that after exhausting nights of studying, I came home to a floor and instead of having a fully stocked larder, I had a tiny cupboard to rifle through. I came home to more, I came home to a tiny person who cared and loved me as much as I did her. I came home to someone I regarded as family.

We didn't do or say much. But the simple things that we did held more definition to me than most memories I hold. Simple things like making coffee for each other. her crazy hair coming out from the covers to shut her alarm that would annoy the hell out of me as it rang every five minutes, her legs propped against the wall like pillars, the insane amount of time she would use to do her hair or even the simple things like how she would grin her heart out when she did something she knew would annoy me were things that meant so little at the time but now seem so paramount in effect. What I wouldn't give to have at least one of those moments back.

It doesn't matter that others don't understand how much of a loss her absence in presence is to me. I never expected them to. But I hope she does. I hope she knows how much I miss her and how I think of her every day and every night. I hope she realizes that she didn't merely provide me with a place to stay in my time of need, she provided me with a family when I felt alone. She gave me a place to belong to when I felt lost, and I don't mean a place where I could rest my head, I mean a place where my heart felt at peace. She will always have my heart wherever she is though I truly wish she was here with me....



I miss you Nisha and I always will.....

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Feel of Life


Tiny, frail fingers reached out into the air,
Pale and wrinkly, they were bare,
Love and warmth enveloped them,
Blanketed by cotton and lace right to the hem....

Grew they did and reach out,
Touching and feeling the world about,
The soft tender strokes of mum's lips,
The rough graze of dads cheeks and his playful nips....

Colour and noise they grew into,
Grab at toys they did but only at a few,
Pictures and images they loved to feel,
Pages of wonder was what sealed the deal....

More did these hands grow to touch,
The wonders life provided were such,
Hand in hand the tiny fingers twirled,
Of laughter, tiny giggles and claps did they swirl....

To hold a pencil came the first task,
A new role to play, a new mask,
The weight of expectation begins to form,
Guidance came, all sweet and warm.

The grip on the pencil grew stronger,
The pressures with it grew harder,
Sweat and toil began to fester,
Of strength and courage these delicate strands muster....

To caress and hold they now knew,
But only for a few,
Those that they wished to show love and affection,
An undying dedication of love and passion....

Hitting hard at boards with letters,
As the icons move in tiny patters,
The smooth surface that these nimble tips brush,
A stark contrast to the weathered palms that were once lush....

Grown and weathered these bright brown feelers may be,
But the world they have seen,
Today they wonder of the touch they first knew,
The feel of emptiness, the darkness in dews...

They claw into the abyss,
Searching, groping, grieving....
Holding on to the single strand of hope,
That the treasure that lay beyond will help them cope,
With the hardness and roughness that life has set,
They search for the familiar warmth they once had....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Another Adventure To Remember


Not a thousand years ago,
Four friends were on the go,
To scour the land for delicious morsels,
A journey filled with banter, laughter and giggles.

Arrived they did at their hashery of choice,
The three roses stepped in with more smiles and noise,
The thorn was left behind rummaging,
For in his bag he was endlessly digging.

As the cuisines were picked in that chilly night,
In walks the harrowed thorn, a frightful sight!
The keys I've locked in our wagon,
Breathes the twitchy, agonized sanguine.

The other three stare bewildered,
What a state in to be rendered,
Are you sure, have you checked, how did you manage that, they all quipped,
With his head in his hands, the poor lad looked simply whipped.

Never matter, let us try to save the day, said the bright red one,
And before their meals arrived, two from the table were gone,
Silence loomed over the yellow and pink of the two,
Brood and worry began to stew.

Fruitlessly the two were recalled,
As plates presented had put their efforts on stall,
Mutter and chatter were scarce for once,
All four were embroiled in a silent trance.

The only resolve was an hour away,
But who would they call upon to save this harrowing day?
The pink of them had a name,
And all four prayed for hope till their saviour came.

Futile efforts were once more carried at their carriage,
But all their toil lay in carnage,
Stares and jokes they did attract,
They looked like goons that night, that is a fact.

Their knight in shining transit did soon arrive,
The four then shone alive,
Ever grateful they were to be rescued,
For the cold would have started a heated feud.

Laugh they did at the impish thorn,
But the poor dear did seem truly forlorn,
Yet his antics were one to remember,
And the three shall forget this never.

More laughter and chatter filled the lively clunker,
Excitement came from laughing, teasing and banter,
The rogue of the night was indeed picked on,
But then again, he was the night's moron.

The journey to the other end of state,
Had brought them into the day late,
Weary they were growing,
But the journey they were loving.

As the day's adventure came to an end,
All four thanked their god's sent,
Ever grateful they were,
For their knight in shining armour truly was a dear.

Without his noble aid, they would have been stranded,
And who knows how their night would have ended,
They bid goodbye and clambered into their loyal wagon,
The four moved on into the night as a renewed tightly-knit brethren.

An adventure in the eyes of the four,
With their children they shall someday laugh and share this lore,
Closer together they left that night,
A joy and a wrong turned out better than a right.

This piece I dedicate to our little adventure,
For this certainly is a blunder to remember,
A night cherished and will always be laughed upon,
A night that brought five friends together with bonds reborn.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Ahead and Before....


Fingers grazing my dreams,
Pain brushing my screams,
I look in the mirror and wonder,
What comes after,
The meaning of the shadow that falls behind,
The terrors of the night in your arms I find,
The embrace of that turned vice,
The laugh that turned to cries,
Stony grey ice staring back,
The day that turns black,
Of warmth comes chill,
A stroll on a journey uphill,

Leaves that fall,
Build a brick wall,
A dam that holds within,
The reservoir of bitter sin,
Time trickles down my cheek,
The light my eyes seek,
As my fingers grip the empty air,
The face of a blank stare.....

What lies behind is told,
What lay ahead waiting to unfold,
The lips whisper,
The heart and mind suffer,
The lights dim as the curtain unfurls,
As colour swirls,

A visage of miracles,
A life of debacles,
As the last tear trickles,
And the face wrinkles....

The last never ends,
The circle never bends....