Me, Myself and Insanity

Right Here Waiting- Richard Marx



Oceans apart day after day

Good morning MALAYSIA!!! oh wait, thats afternoon already... ah well... I'll save that greeting for another day then =) My Quantitative paper is at 3 and after slogging the night away, I finally half an ounce more of confidence. Now at that two the other half ounce from yesterday and my swaggering confidence is not at an once and a half. Yup, a little bit closer to the gazillion ounces more that I need... Baby steps =) The morning seems beautiful, what with the bright sun shine and the chirping birds... The only dark cloud in my day seems to be this dreadful paper. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that this so-called beautiful day somehow remains just as beautiful throughout. I really don't need some creepy monster reaching out with its knobbly-gangrene infested fingers wheedling "I'm coming for u dee! RUN! But u can't hiiiiddeeee...." Yup, that monster is called fate. Putting things mildly, im not someone with a whole lot of good luck. Be it with the car (towing, accidents, car keys) my handphone (getting lost IN my bag~ this only happens to me, so you can ease up, dropping inside the car~ and I mean literally like inside the freaking dashboard where the mesh of wires and my fictional rats reside and of course the most common of all, EVERYTHING! From losing my bag, to being mugged and eventually losing my mind.... I think Lady Luck died when I was three.

But today, luck seems to be beside the point. Though my confidence hasn't peaked (will it ever??) I find that the little bit of surety that my hardwork has warranted has allowed me the glimpse of hope. Its only a glimpse or a slight glimmer of it, but it has nonetheless given a will to push my limits. Its somehow a motivation. A driving factor. Call me nuts and please get me help, but I can't help but actually LIKE IT-studying I mean. To be frank, I've been a bit of a dimwit (Okay!! I can hear the snickering- a bit is an understatement! I've been a MAJOR dimwit! Happy now?!) I never actually gave hardwork a chance, always writing it off as being too tedious, pretentious to a large extent cause people only opt for the harder way cause the easier one hasn't helped. In my case, I have been fortunate more than once as I managed to wriggle out to the road most often taken, the short-cut..

But hardwork and actual burning of the midnight oil, though in most instances, give us the most vexatious headaches, it actually gives us something else. Something more subtle than those grinding migraines but more valuable. It gives us hope and spirit. It gives us a chance to believe in ourselves. In our abilities. It shows us that with a little bit of perseverance tinged with patience and laced off with determination, we have the cocktail of success!! Cool ain't it?

Well, I really ought to leave soon as knowing my luck, parking is going to be a nightmare! Thank god I still have my traffic light charm (wink wink* and yes my dears! IT STILL WORKS! Gratifying isn't it :P ) I do have a rather pressing issue that I want to get of my mind and I think blogging it would be absolutely perfect so I guess I'll keep it sealed till tonight!

Loving, living and smiling (for today that is :P )

P.S. who knew research methods could teach us so much about values and virtues?? Albert would be proud!! :P

Love, love and MORE LOVE

I absolutely HATE MATH!!!! Ive spent the entire day crunching numbers preparing for my Quantitative Methods paper this Thursday... Most people would think that after years of formal education, one would atleast find math bearable, but I on the other hand entirely despise the damned subject. Though I have to say, math is a subject that is indeed easy when practise is consistent. The only problem with that concept is that I actually have to spend HOURS brooding over the damn subject! Well, the bright side of today would mainly be

1. Kyou Kara Maou!!!! yeee!!! I found the entire season 1 on youtube!
2. I've tweaked the blog so I think I'll be checking in every now and then! (well, not to mention I've been on since six in the morning and haven't had the heart to close the page coz its so pweeetty!!!~thank u jilly!!!)
3. I'm home alone!
4. I'm having ice-cream for lunch!

I suppose studying isn't to bad....I juz hate it coz it involves numbers and that clearly isn't my forte. But I guess I've had worse. I mean atleast its not add math bad. Well, looking on the bright side of things, I'm pretty suprised that I haven't gone all nutsy and started banging my head against the wall, literally (lets not go there....painful days, and that's literal too!) Its really sunny outside and I feel all positive for some strange reason so I better use this opportunity to keep on grinding my nose against those pages, cause God knows that I never am in one mood zone for too long! And my friends would dearly testify to that!

Number, number, number,

They make me dumber, dumber, dumber,

When I should be smarter, smarter, smarter,

Bummer!

The light that flickered in the darkness,
Burnt out, bringing along with it much joy and happiness,
The dark that creeps by brings about the cold,
Along with it, dreaded fears unfold,
The smiles that memories so fond brought every morning,
Now somehow seem to have gone into hiding,
The daydreams that plastered smiles and stargazing eyes,
Replaced now with constant despair and heart wrenching cries,
Questions after questions that tears the heart apart,
Not knowing where to begin, where to start,
The hand that held such hope, such dreams, such care,
And that very hand that dealt a blow that one's heart could not bear,
The mornings are now greeted by the silence that emptiness brings,
The songs heard are that of which loneliness sings,
The hand that held so tight,
So suddenly took flight,
Why, the heart cries, why, it yearns to know,
Was there a reason to flee, was there a cause to go,
It was hope that showed up at the door,
But yet this soul had no idea what fate instead had in store,
Nights of sleep so sound now lost,
Not a single sense of warmth amidst this chilly frost,
Memories that once brought life,
Now bring about a pain sharper than that brought by a knife,
The blade of reality tears through the shreds of love,
As the wings of innocence are clipped to the back of the dove,
What was real, what was true,
The heart wishes it knew,
Left knowing that the end had come,
Yet, though hope was dead, kept alive was some,
Desperate for a thread of possibility,
But the mind knows what the heart cannot see,
Its time to let go,
To stop letting faith grow,
Time to set hope free,
And hopefully one day life will be,
The way it once used to be,
One day, my heart will be set free....

The sun hides behind the clouds,
A shadow that creeps behind the crowds,
A shadow unnoticed,
A shadow not missed,
Alone in the darkness she lurks,
To swallow her own pain, anger and irks,
Gone is the hand that once held her own,
Once again, she stands alone,
Missing the eyes of comfort and the smiles of joy,
This shroud of happiness of yet another ploy,
Hurt is nothing new,
Yet her heart has met it times a few,
But every encounter,
Anguishes her more than the other,
The tears that seemed liked her lost companion,
Have now found her in a bountiful reunion,
How could she miss one that was never her own,
As she feels the pain in every flesh and bone,
Who was she to care for something she cannot have,
How could she mistake the smiles and the laughs,
For they were at her and never with her,
Her only true friend being the pain she grew up with and her new found fear,
It is wrong for her to wish, to dream, to want,
For something she will never have, she simply can’t,
Yet to wrong her for her hearts anguish,
To bury her for her one wish,
A penance of much to give,
In which would she seek to live,
How the path rolls is yet another chapter,
For will this story end in misery or a happily after after,
Is a story for yet another day to uncover…..

My hand waves through the silkiness of the wind,
My soul has long yearned for a single sin,
A tinge of care, attention, a look,
A sweep of love that exists in only a book,
That smile without reason,
That joy that has no season,
The madness, the rush,
The mere thought that sets your face aflush,
You blush,
A smile that creeps on you from nowhere,
That sends you soaring out into the world without a care,
And yet,
It holds you back, fully escape it won’t let,
It holds you down and pins you against it,
It sends you into a fit,
But you love every moment it brings,
At the mere sound, the way your ears ring,
Your hopes never saw such light,
Your dreams never found the night,
You float,
Every night words of hope you wrote,
Eyes shining with life,
Mischief in your heart is rife,
Every moment infectious,
Every thought delicious,
Close your eyes tonight,
The time is finally right,
For tomorrow,
Holds new joys that will set your spirits aflow,
Live for tomorrow and the days that come,
Sing with life and with love hum,
For the merry tune you know,
Will carry you wherever your heart wishes to go………..

What is wrong and what is right,
Is it wrong that my mind wonders to you at night,
Is it wrong that I awake with a smile,
Is it wrong that at the mere thought of you, my heart races a mile,
If it is so, then why does it feel so right,
Gloomy days seem to beam so bright,
The cold no longer pricks,
The clock no longer ticks,
The heat no longer burns,
My heart no longer yearns,
Reality seems distant,
My fantasies are so persistent,
My mind dreams, my heart breathes, my hopes soar,
Life it is seems is opening a new door,
Something that I did not know I had,
For this is something I had never bothered nor cared,
Now my life is this force,
My destiny has a new course,
Doubt enshrouds me,
I wonder what is to be,
A path so vague,
But my heart is filled with this oh so delightful plague,
One that breathes a soul into this life,
One that makes my senses rife,
Sorrow is but a distant memory,
Pain, I set thee free,
For joy has its place,
I see beauty, elegance and grace,
I walk no further to seek my dreams,
For I have now been blessed,
Or so it seems…