Wow, a new year has arrived! Sadly, I haven't been able to live up to my word in ensuring a continual posting chronicling my journey through the marshes of life. But then again, I'm sweating bullets trying to live up to the demanding and high octaned life that I have so blindly signed myself up for. Make no mistake, I am a highly charged and quite satisfied individual, but once in a while, I can't help but wish that I had atleast a little time to catch a breather. But well, when you love something, it's no longer seen as a chore but a time of merriment. And this is one such instant!
Okay! Enough rambling! Now the main reason why I have felt more than compelled (we're moving along the lines of obligated here) to pen down my latest escapade is because apart from seeing the intrinsic motivation I have attained from this particular trip, I also managed to accomplish one of my desired goals. In fact, to be quite honest, I have had dreams that seem pretty unreasonable as there was no plausible way to achieve some of these desires. Have I put you in a state of imbroglio? Well, I have dreams such as having 50 children, I want to hold phDs, masters and degrees in fields such as psychology, law, journalism, broadcasting, public relations, human rights and the list just keeps growing! So you see what I mean when I say I tend to dream unpractically. But hey, what can I do, the heart seeks what it wants, right? So now, another such dream that I have long harbored within the deepest nooks of my heart is to have a big family. In terms of having elder brothers and sisters. Being the eldest in my family with only a younger brother as a companion, I have long yearned to have an older figure to look up to. Instead of being the protector, I dreamed of being the protected. To some this may sound more than ridiculous but for some who have experienced my plight, you know what I mean.
Well, needless to say, I got my wish! Yay! Bewildered?? Well, let's take a small journey down MY memory lane (for some inexplicable reason, I love that phrase!) It all began with me hesitating to go for my cousin's wedding in Singapore. Firstly, I was going to miss the first day of college, something I was very reluctant to do. Secondly, I was going to stay in an aunt's house. An aunt that I have never met and never known and on top of that I was informed that she had 3 SONS! Oh god! As if living with one demon wasn't enough, now I had to walk into a house where there were 3 guys I had no inkling about! Self-check, forget reluctant, I was convinced I didn't want to go. All through the week I had nightmares and "daymares", as my friends fondly call my pessimistic dawn induced reveries. But my parents insisted and they stood their ground, and for the first time ever (heehee, behold the youthful angst- rule no.1 of youth rebellion- never let your parents know they were right or they will never let you forget you were wrong! hehe) I have to say that I'm glad they did.
Singapore was a blast! It was memorable for many reasons. It was the first time I wore a saree and it was also my first church wedding. Apart from that, it was also the first trip I was taking with my adorable baby cousin who just turned three! But most significantly to me, it is my most cherished memory because I gained a new family. The people that I was dreading to meet had become the embodiment of security and love all molded into one. My aunty was a darling. She was ever ready to lend a hand, kind, thoughful and simply remarkable as a mother. Proof of the later came in the form of 3 wonderful sons. Though I only had the privilege of meeting 2 of them, it was suffice. My eldest cousin (Navin) was endearing and thoroughly comical and compassionate. He had a wonderful sense of humor and was undoubtedly funny. He made us feel completely at home. My second cousin (Darshan) is more quiet and humble. He is thoughtful, sincere and very benign. He was slightly refined but had a heart worth its weight in gold. To be honest, I met my second first and found him a little scary. I thought he was strict and a rather no-nonsense sort of individual. This shook me as I immediately began concocting ways to escape to another household with thoughts such as "If he's the middle child and he's that strict, oh god, I don't wanna meet the eldest!" (I swear, this is the literal thought that ran through my mind practically the whole night!
Now it seems rather ridiculous as they both were nothing of the sort. In fact, circumstances and the entire trip proved quite the contrary.
If you think that miracles ends here, your sorrowfully mistaken. Further along the trip I was blessed with three other gems. My three other younger cousins (Brindha, Tharshini and Haresh). Always wanting sisters to be part of my life, I was more than ready to bond with them. I had jitters and butterflies zooming and doing cartwheels in my stomach during the wedding as I was not sure how they would react to seeing me. I had known Haresh and Brindha as I had stayed with them whilst on holiday years and years back! Gosh! It seems like it was ages ago! Oh wait, it was! It was a good 7 or 8 years back. We lost touch and I was really afraid that they may not remember or not be too keen in meeting up again. Boy, was I gladly mistaken. It was wonderful meeting the two munchkins again (though Brindha has become so gorgeous and Haresh so dashing!) Brindha then went on to introduce me to another cousin I had never met, Tharshini who was such a darling.
The essence of this entry was not only a narration into the trip I took and the wonderful miracles and joy it had introduced but it was also discovery and a dream that I had once doomed was resuscitated and revived in the most breathtaking manner. I had found happiness in their midst. I have had more friends than family members and I have been closer to strangers than some of my family which is quite a travesty I'm sure, but take my word that this sticky wicket is not at all by favor. There have been many instances were sorrow has overcome my senses as I desperately try to figure out what has pushed my family to the brink of separation but my efforts almost always turn up fruitless. I suppose the disappointment created a chasm within my soul. Over the years the ridge widened and it sprout more questions and curiosity all laced with grief and tinged with forlonness. Never could I fathom what could be so dreadful that it would conspire a family to deny their offsprings a chance at feeling and understanding the pulchritude of love. How could they defy the laws of humanity and tear apart the origins of what was embedded within them?
I struggled with some of these questions and still am. Nonetheless, this journey has provided me with something that has laid my heart at rest. No, not the answers to my question but a visage of what having a big family would look like. I was gifted with the sentience of brethren love. The love that I had sought so gravely was now standing epitomized by the very individuals that I was so hesitant to meet. I guess I was averse because I had internalized the fear that I might not be accepted. A thought had fleeted across my mind at some point, if my own family was not willing to accept me, why should others? I had of course dismissed this thought as ludicrous but the crux of this notion welded itself inwardly.
This trip bore something more than new relationships. For me, it bore hope. I felt reborn. My hopes revitalized, I found strength to go on believing. These wonderful individuals personified the very virtues of what a family is. From the depths of my heart, I would say that God had blessed me with a family. And this family bore a new me. With their presence they brought along hope. A hope that simply spelt that if two estranged families can unite as one, why can't one family that has become estranged unify?
The love and care I had experienced here is not done justice with the words that I have used to impart this venerated chapter of my existence for love is indescribable. It is immeasurable. It can only be lived and treasured. And I have felt the love of my family. At last, I can say, I am home.....
Okay! Enough rambling! Now the main reason why I have felt more than compelled (we're moving along the lines of obligated here) to pen down my latest escapade is because apart from seeing the intrinsic motivation I have attained from this particular trip, I also managed to accomplish one of my desired goals. In fact, to be quite honest, I have had dreams that seem pretty unreasonable as there was no plausible way to achieve some of these desires. Have I put you in a state of imbroglio? Well, I have dreams such as having 50 children, I want to hold phDs, masters and degrees in fields such as psychology, law, journalism, broadcasting, public relations, human rights and the list just keeps growing! So you see what I mean when I say I tend to dream unpractically. But hey, what can I do, the heart seeks what it wants, right? So now, another such dream that I have long harbored within the deepest nooks of my heart is to have a big family. In terms of having elder brothers and sisters. Being the eldest in my family with only a younger brother as a companion, I have long yearned to have an older figure to look up to. Instead of being the protector, I dreamed of being the protected. To some this may sound more than ridiculous but for some who have experienced my plight, you know what I mean.
Well, needless to say, I got my wish! Yay! Bewildered?? Well, let's take a small journey down MY memory lane (for some inexplicable reason, I love that phrase!) It all began with me hesitating to go for my cousin's wedding in Singapore. Firstly, I was going to miss the first day of college, something I was very reluctant to do. Secondly, I was going to stay in an aunt's house. An aunt that I have never met and never known and on top of that I was informed that she had 3 SONS! Oh god! As if living with one demon wasn't enough, now I had to walk into a house where there were 3 guys I had no inkling about! Self-check, forget reluctant, I was convinced I didn't want to go. All through the week I had nightmares and "daymares", as my friends fondly call my pessimistic dawn induced reveries. But my parents insisted and they stood their ground, and for the first time ever (heehee, behold the youthful angst- rule no.1 of youth rebellion- never let your parents know they were right or they will never let you forget you were wrong! hehe) I have to say that I'm glad they did.
Singapore was a blast! It was memorable for many reasons. It was the first time I wore a saree and it was also my first church wedding. Apart from that, it was also the first trip I was taking with my adorable baby cousin who just turned three! But most significantly to me, it is my most cherished memory because I gained a new family. The people that I was dreading to meet had become the embodiment of security and love all molded into one. My aunty was a darling. She was ever ready to lend a hand, kind, thoughful and simply remarkable as a mother. Proof of the later came in the form of 3 wonderful sons. Though I only had the privilege of meeting 2 of them, it was suffice. My eldest cousin (Navin) was endearing and thoroughly comical and compassionate. He had a wonderful sense of humor and was undoubtedly funny. He made us feel completely at home. My second cousin (Darshan) is more quiet and humble. He is thoughtful, sincere and very benign. He was slightly refined but had a heart worth its weight in gold. To be honest, I met my second first and found him a little scary. I thought he was strict and a rather no-nonsense sort of individual. This shook me as I immediately began concocting ways to escape to another household with thoughts such as "If he's the middle child and he's that strict, oh god, I don't wanna meet the eldest!" (I swear, this is the literal thought that ran through my mind practically the whole night!
Now it seems rather ridiculous as they both were nothing of the sort. In fact, circumstances and the entire trip proved quite the contrary.
If you think that miracles ends here, your sorrowfully mistaken. Further along the trip I was blessed with three other gems. My three other younger cousins (Brindha, Tharshini and Haresh). Always wanting sisters to be part of my life, I was more than ready to bond with them. I had jitters and butterflies zooming and doing cartwheels in my stomach during the wedding as I was not sure how they would react to seeing me. I had known Haresh and Brindha as I had stayed with them whilst on holiday years and years back! Gosh! It seems like it was ages ago! Oh wait, it was! It was a good 7 or 8 years back. We lost touch and I was really afraid that they may not remember or not be too keen in meeting up again. Boy, was I gladly mistaken. It was wonderful meeting the two munchkins again (though Brindha has become so gorgeous and Haresh so dashing!) Brindha then went on to introduce me to another cousin I had never met, Tharshini who was such a darling.
The essence of this entry was not only a narration into the trip I took and the wonderful miracles and joy it had introduced but it was also discovery and a dream that I had once doomed was resuscitated and revived in the most breathtaking manner. I had found happiness in their midst. I have had more friends than family members and I have been closer to strangers than some of my family which is quite a travesty I'm sure, but take my word that this sticky wicket is not at all by favor. There have been many instances were sorrow has overcome my senses as I desperately try to figure out what has pushed my family to the brink of separation but my efforts almost always turn up fruitless. I suppose the disappointment created a chasm within my soul. Over the years the ridge widened and it sprout more questions and curiosity all laced with grief and tinged with forlonness. Never could I fathom what could be so dreadful that it would conspire a family to deny their offsprings a chance at feeling and understanding the pulchritude of love. How could they defy the laws of humanity and tear apart the origins of what was embedded within them?
I struggled with some of these questions and still am. Nonetheless, this journey has provided me with something that has laid my heart at rest. No, not the answers to my question but a visage of what having a big family would look like. I was gifted with the sentience of brethren love. The love that I had sought so gravely was now standing epitomized by the very individuals that I was so hesitant to meet. I guess I was averse because I had internalized the fear that I might not be accepted. A thought had fleeted across my mind at some point, if my own family was not willing to accept me, why should others? I had of course dismissed this thought as ludicrous but the crux of this notion welded itself inwardly.
This trip bore something more than new relationships. For me, it bore hope. I felt reborn. My hopes revitalized, I found strength to go on believing. These wonderful individuals personified the very virtues of what a family is. From the depths of my heart, I would say that God had blessed me with a family. And this family bore a new me. With their presence they brought along hope. A hope that simply spelt that if two estranged families can unite as one, why can't one family that has become estranged unify?
The love and care I had experienced here is not done justice with the words that I have used to impart this venerated chapter of my existence for love is indescribable. It is immeasurable. It can only be lived and treasured. And I have felt the love of my family. At last, I can say, I am home.....
