"Fleeting thoughts that brush past like the wind awaken senses of sorrow from deep within".
These words define the nature of what I used to feel as life. Pain, turmoil and devastation was how I viewed life to be. Null of all the simple pleasures that childhood seemed ladden with; adolescence seemed to me like a barren land of asphyxiating guilt. Every turn seemed to depict a face of horror as if to mock and ridicule my thoughts, it was like stepping into a world of complexity armed with only an arms knowledge. Feeling foolish and petty, those with superiority championed and trampled upon those that differred and felt inferior with ease. I watched as the world that I held close to my hearty flew by like a notion in the winds.
It took me awhile to embrace this sullen truth but as the reality slowly sank in, my eyes and heart opened to another realm of possibilities. One that I had shut a long time ago, forbidding myself of any indulgence and any inquisition in its nature. Never being a good judge of character in terms of emotion, I allowed my petty enticements to seduce my practicality. Detrimental, I must say. It hurt me beyond believe and altered my apprehension of things in a great magnitude. I have to admit that like the saying, every cloud has its silver lining, so did this. I made a miraculous recovery but I discovered something more precious in the process.
Myself. For the first time in my life, I realized how fragile I was. I had protected and shielded myself from the reality of these issues that when it came knocking on my door, I was dumbfounded at understanding or even comprehending the basis of it. And all that this is, is simple basic human emotion and intuition. I embalmed myself with a naivety that had entombed me in an existence of denial. And it was during this grieving period that I realized that if I was ever going to regain myself and my self worth in any way it was if I free myself of this naivety and denial and start looking at life and its many obstacles with as much wisdom and courage as possible.
I begin looking at things from different perspectives. I re-evaluated my life and realized all the things that I have misconstrued all these times. Taking bonds and ties for granted I held myself in such high contempt that I had neglected the true gems in my life. This part of my life served not only as a reflection and a search for answers but also as a revelation and a discovery at the deep connections that I had possessed but never utilized to my or anyone else’s benefit. I had nearly outcasted a jewel that had shone from the depths of my soul so brightly without even me noticing. It was the beauty of the wrongdoing. It was the retribution that had opened my eyes to the insanely justified manner in how the situation had turned to manifest itself. I was astonished at how much I had discovered about myself.
I uncovered a part of sensuality that was awakened not from a physical basis but from an emotional and spiritual foundation that paved the way to an intellectual formation. I was overwhelmed but nevertheless, grateful to the ends of my soul. That is why whenever anyone asks me what is the greatest gift that life has to offer, my answer most immediately is, the chance to live itself. The ability to endure the harrowing possiblities, turmoils and emotional frustrations at the same time look back and smile at all those past obstacles that now seem so distant and minute is the wonderful gift that life offers, a chance to live.
These words define the nature of what I used to feel as life. Pain, turmoil and devastation was how I viewed life to be. Null of all the simple pleasures that childhood seemed ladden with; adolescence seemed to me like a barren land of asphyxiating guilt. Every turn seemed to depict a face of horror as if to mock and ridicule my thoughts, it was like stepping into a world of complexity armed with only an arms knowledge. Feeling foolish and petty, those with superiority championed and trampled upon those that differred and felt inferior with ease. I watched as the world that I held close to my hearty flew by like a notion in the winds.
It took me awhile to embrace this sullen truth but as the reality slowly sank in, my eyes and heart opened to another realm of possibilities. One that I had shut a long time ago, forbidding myself of any indulgence and any inquisition in its nature. Never being a good judge of character in terms of emotion, I allowed my petty enticements to seduce my practicality. Detrimental, I must say. It hurt me beyond believe and altered my apprehension of things in a great magnitude. I have to admit that like the saying, every cloud has its silver lining, so did this. I made a miraculous recovery but I discovered something more precious in the process.
Myself. For the first time in my life, I realized how fragile I was. I had protected and shielded myself from the reality of these issues that when it came knocking on my door, I was dumbfounded at understanding or even comprehending the basis of it. And all that this is, is simple basic human emotion and intuition. I embalmed myself with a naivety that had entombed me in an existence of denial. And it was during this grieving period that I realized that if I was ever going to regain myself and my self worth in any way it was if I free myself of this naivety and denial and start looking at life and its many obstacles with as much wisdom and courage as possible.
I begin looking at things from different perspectives. I re-evaluated my life and realized all the things that I have misconstrued all these times. Taking bonds and ties for granted I held myself in such high contempt that I had neglected the true gems in my life. This part of my life served not only as a reflection and a search for answers but also as a revelation and a discovery at the deep connections that I had possessed but never utilized to my or anyone else’s benefit. I had nearly outcasted a jewel that had shone from the depths of my soul so brightly without even me noticing. It was the beauty of the wrongdoing. It was the retribution that had opened my eyes to the insanely justified manner in how the situation had turned to manifest itself. I was astonished at how much I had discovered about myself.
I uncovered a part of sensuality that was awakened not from a physical basis but from an emotional and spiritual foundation that paved the way to an intellectual formation. I was overwhelmed but nevertheless, grateful to the ends of my soul. That is why whenever anyone asks me what is the greatest gift that life has to offer, my answer most immediately is, the chance to live itself. The ability to endure the harrowing possiblities, turmoils and emotional frustrations at the same time look back and smile at all those past obstacles that now seem so distant and minute is the wonderful gift that life offers, a chance to live.
