It sure has been a while since I last blogged. Well, it sure has been an excruciatingly exhausting month and I definately can’t wait for a break (even for a day) to come along. Life sure has taken a melodramatic toll and the days are filled with mundane, routined schedules making my nerves fry till they sizzle. I have been thinking a lot of all the changes that have been occuring and well, this little self-analysis (thank you personality psychology class) has provided me with a rather disturbing discovery. I HAVE changed. Its not that I am being negative about the changes that have occured or anything, but well, having always sworn that I will never again allow anyone or anything to change my judgment or personality for that matter, I am one individual who seems to have taken the 180 in life. I mean, I have friends who ask me, who are you?
Being the wacky, nonchalant, happy-go-lucky individual, life has never been anything but icing on the cake. Or so people think. My life is quite the contrary, though I will have to admit, that I have been rather carefree and not really responsible before, I have one thing in my defence, how do you become mature if you’re never at all immature? I had to go from point A to point B. Besides, being the oldest in the family, I rarely got any childhood that tickled my memory, always having to set a good example, always having to be the perfect child, always having to live up to expectations and others’ dreams. I suppose I spent the first 12 years of my life pleasing all those around me apart from myself. Then came in the adolescent rebellion that really shook the foundations of my household, so to speak.
I suppose always being shunted to one side because I rarely needed much caring for, being the quiet and reserved kind, I suppose my rebellion was more a cry for attention than anything else. But after a hell of a teenage and a year of college life (which was a hell of an eye opener by the way) I settled down to a more subtle and responsible as well as mature lifestyle at the moment. I won’t say that it is at all relaxed as it is quite the contrary, but I would say, this lifestyle I lead now, as mundane and banal as it may seem to the common folk that stroll my college grounds, it remains a life that enables me to sleep with a guilt-free conscience every night. This is something I truly pride upon as not many individuals can claim to possess such a distinct blessing. Having experienced life on both sides I suppose I see the bigger and better picture now.
I have absolutely no regrets about my past and I wouldn’t change even the slightest detail (now u know this is a petty lie at this point, but heck who doesn’t tell white lies for self-comfort?) in it. I cherish every moment that went by and I appraise every bit of it. For I wouldn’t be who I am and I wouldn’t be what I am today if it weren’t for this distinct history of mine. But now moving to the unchartered waters of my depressing existence (excuse the drama, its been a LONG week) I have finally found myself sunken into a stupor of a droid-like existence. Living on a tight schedule (yes, tight, I’m down to the minute precise) as my travelling hours are pretty hefty, plus assignments and tasks are bound to my shoulders like boulders, life does take its toll on the zestful part of our passion. It may seem that I have lost the essence that truly made me, me. But of course I haven’t.
I spend countless times repeating myself to concerned friends and old acquaintances that I have not changed at all. I still possess the same mischief, annoying and also fun nature that once so prominently shone from my mere presence. I still have all those innate qualities within me, only I have chosen to embed them a teensy bit further into my heart to allow a new kind of trait to surface for a while. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not schizophrenic or anything, but I’m just trying out different aspects of my life and trying to accomadate all that comes forth with the best possible approach and characteristical criteria that I possess.
I have learnt numerous lessons within the 19 years of my life. I’m not talking of critical skills or anything. Just basic emotional skills. Understanding, empathizing, sympathizing, distinguishing, embracing and realizing. Well, to be honest the list can go on and on and on, but lets not drone on that for too long. The point here is that what ever that life has thrown my way has not changed me but helped mould me.It has refined my character and helped me recognize those embedded factors of myself that I never knew existed. Most importantly, it helped me discover a part of me that simply amazes me, for I never knew I had neither the audacity nor the courage to seek. I am strong. Yes, after all that I have been through (which is not really my fault to shoulder here, and no I’m not living in denial) I have managed to get up and clamber up the mountain of success once again. I’m not at the peak yet but I sure am reaching. It has not been an easy journey, tears, cries, loss and well, heart-wrenching moments, all come and gone but one thing remains with me from start till end, my memories. They never fade, die or leave. They remind us of what we are now and they allow us to keep ourselves at out toes. They show us what we’ve lost and they inspire us to fight to reclaim our deserving tributes and for this I would have to say, memories are truly our greatest gift…..
Being the wacky, nonchalant, happy-go-lucky individual, life has never been anything but icing on the cake. Or so people think. My life is quite the contrary, though I will have to admit, that I have been rather carefree and not really responsible before, I have one thing in my defence, how do you become mature if you’re never at all immature? I had to go from point A to point B. Besides, being the oldest in the family, I rarely got any childhood that tickled my memory, always having to set a good example, always having to be the perfect child, always having to live up to expectations and others’ dreams. I suppose I spent the first 12 years of my life pleasing all those around me apart from myself. Then came in the adolescent rebellion that really shook the foundations of my household, so to speak.
I suppose always being shunted to one side because I rarely needed much caring for, being the quiet and reserved kind, I suppose my rebellion was more a cry for attention than anything else. But after a hell of a teenage and a year of college life (which was a hell of an eye opener by the way) I settled down to a more subtle and responsible as well as mature lifestyle at the moment. I won’t say that it is at all relaxed as it is quite the contrary, but I would say, this lifestyle I lead now, as mundane and banal as it may seem to the common folk that stroll my college grounds, it remains a life that enables me to sleep with a guilt-free conscience every night. This is something I truly pride upon as not many individuals can claim to possess such a distinct blessing. Having experienced life on both sides I suppose I see the bigger and better picture now.
I have absolutely no regrets about my past and I wouldn’t change even the slightest detail (now u know this is a petty lie at this point, but heck who doesn’t tell white lies for self-comfort?) in it. I cherish every moment that went by and I appraise every bit of it. For I wouldn’t be who I am and I wouldn’t be what I am today if it weren’t for this distinct history of mine. But now moving to the unchartered waters of my depressing existence (excuse the drama, its been a LONG week) I have finally found myself sunken into a stupor of a droid-like existence. Living on a tight schedule (yes, tight, I’m down to the minute precise) as my travelling hours are pretty hefty, plus assignments and tasks are bound to my shoulders like boulders, life does take its toll on the zestful part of our passion. It may seem that I have lost the essence that truly made me, me. But of course I haven’t.
I spend countless times repeating myself to concerned friends and old acquaintances that I have not changed at all. I still possess the same mischief, annoying and also fun nature that once so prominently shone from my mere presence. I still have all those innate qualities within me, only I have chosen to embed them a teensy bit further into my heart to allow a new kind of trait to surface for a while. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not schizophrenic or anything, but I’m just trying out different aspects of my life and trying to accomadate all that comes forth with the best possible approach and characteristical criteria that I possess.
I have learnt numerous lessons within the 19 years of my life. I’m not talking of critical skills or anything. Just basic emotional skills. Understanding, empathizing, sympathizing, distinguishing, embracing and realizing. Well, to be honest the list can go on and on and on, but lets not drone on that for too long. The point here is that what ever that life has thrown my way has not changed me but helped mould me.It has refined my character and helped me recognize those embedded factors of myself that I never knew existed. Most importantly, it helped me discover a part of me that simply amazes me, for I never knew I had neither the audacity nor the courage to seek. I am strong. Yes, after all that I have been through (which is not really my fault to shoulder here, and no I’m not living in denial) I have managed to get up and clamber up the mountain of success once again. I’m not at the peak yet but I sure am reaching. It has not been an easy journey, tears, cries, loss and well, heart-wrenching moments, all come and gone but one thing remains with me from start till end, my memories. They never fade, die or leave. They remind us of what we are now and they allow us to keep ourselves at out toes. They show us what we’ve lost and they inspire us to fight to reclaim our deserving tributes and for this I would have to say, memories are truly our greatest gift…..
