Optimistic. Vivacious. Vibrant. Words that relate so accurately to my personality. At one point of time. Carefree and full of enthusiasm with never an inkling to what the word dilemma or even predicament ever meant. A childlike naivety and bliss was what I was blessed with. A gift bestowed upon me for reasons I could not and still cannot comprehend. A gift that faded, slowly but surely in the passing of time. A year of awakening and a soul that has gone through phase after phase, waking to a rebirth from a life filled to the brim with a myriad of emotional turmoil and conundrums. The reincarnation of this entity has brought forth an understanding and an amaranthine of appreciation to the beautiful souls that God has so graciously bequethed upon me.
A new year brings with it new possibilities and hopes. Replenishing the heart with fresh joy and happiness, I found new meaning in the word life. I squint at the life ahead as much anticipation and prescience. Being the bubbly and spirited girl that I am, I was never one that worried about intellectuality or emotional intelligence, and most ironically, the choice of my occupational field is psychology much to the chagrin of my parents. But now, as revolution as much as evolution has stirred a whirlwind of cognizance that tugged at my heart strings and nudged my conscience. I began to reflect and ponder upon issues that never once captivated my interest in the slightest. Teens that were rebellious, the puppy love age, the teen anxiety and of course peer pressure, what triggered all these devastating circumstances?
I began questioning the way the world works and more importantly I began cogenting why it works in such an aggrieving manner? After enduring my own life altering, or rather, path altering situations, I began searching for an insight into why we differ with such magnanimous results and all the consequences that follow. Our actions being the aftermath of self-reasoning and contemplation, I began wondering why do people placed in the same crisis respond to the issue at hand differently. Moreover, I wondered deeper beyond the realms of life and was completely taking a turn into a the morbid dimension of the after life. My fascination branched out and curiosity began digging deeper into every inch of my soul burying its inquisitive nature deep within every instinct, notion and perception.
I became a changed person. My realization and awakening brought forth not only a sense of intrigue and due admiration, but it painted a picture of beauty to me in the sense of gratitude. As I looked around me for the first time in my life, I saw all that I had. Blessings, love, cherished moments and memories, guidance and support and a never ending relationship filled with care and continual adoration. Something that no other relationship, individual or any other circumstance could bring.
To have such perception and to have such a gem land in your lap, brought streams of tears to my eyes. I began reminiscing about all those times that I have felt alone and abandoned and all those moments that I have felt blatantly deserted and took out my angst upon those who have always been there. Blaming them for an abrocation that never was. The dawning of my comprehension gave my sight into how blind I really was. Seeking aid for those who misguided me when I was blind to the compassion and auspices that was so readily present. Turning to others for attention and comfort when I was already blessed with such a benediction. The moments that I have spent shedding tears over my idiocy still visualizes within sight as I do believe that this is one impact that defied all others. This memory is embedded within every nerve, blood and tear of my entire existence. It is immortalized within my soul.
Soul-searching like so many other individuals seek is not something that can be found or attained. This is something that has to be unearthed. It isn’t as easy as one may assume as we will encounter our worst enemies in the never-ending journey of self-discovery. Ourselves. We have to embrace ourselves to face our demons from within and of course the worst part, accept them as they are us in nature and in truth. The ugliness of oneself is the harshest possible truth that we can encounter and the detriments of a confrontation of this magnitude can bring about dire consequences. Nevertheless, we will also have to encompass parts of ourselves that escaped our notice and learn to comprehend them all the same. To find ones soul is not dependent upon the effort taken to search for it, for this is something that cannot be found. It has to be unearthed. Our true nature and abilities underline our intellectual, spiritual, mental, physical and all other dimensions of ourselves. And it resides nowhere else but within us. It all depends whether we have instilled enough courage to exhume it from the depths of our heart, mind and soul. Fight, find and feel it for no one can understand us till we can.
A new year brings with it new possibilities and hopes. Replenishing the heart with fresh joy and happiness, I found new meaning in the word life. I squint at the life ahead as much anticipation and prescience. Being the bubbly and spirited girl that I am, I was never one that worried about intellectuality or emotional intelligence, and most ironically, the choice of my occupational field is psychology much to the chagrin of my parents. But now, as revolution as much as evolution has stirred a whirlwind of cognizance that tugged at my heart strings and nudged my conscience. I began to reflect and ponder upon issues that never once captivated my interest in the slightest. Teens that were rebellious, the puppy love age, the teen anxiety and of course peer pressure, what triggered all these devastating circumstances?
I began questioning the way the world works and more importantly I began cogenting why it works in such an aggrieving manner? After enduring my own life altering, or rather, path altering situations, I began searching for an insight into why we differ with such magnanimous results and all the consequences that follow. Our actions being the aftermath of self-reasoning and contemplation, I began wondering why do people placed in the same crisis respond to the issue at hand differently. Moreover, I wondered deeper beyond the realms of life and was completely taking a turn into a the morbid dimension of the after life. My fascination branched out and curiosity began digging deeper into every inch of my soul burying its inquisitive nature deep within every instinct, notion and perception.
I became a changed person. My realization and awakening brought forth not only a sense of intrigue and due admiration, but it painted a picture of beauty to me in the sense of gratitude. As I looked around me for the first time in my life, I saw all that I had. Blessings, love, cherished moments and memories, guidance and support and a never ending relationship filled with care and continual adoration. Something that no other relationship, individual or any other circumstance could bring.
To have such perception and to have such a gem land in your lap, brought streams of tears to my eyes. I began reminiscing about all those times that I have felt alone and abandoned and all those moments that I have felt blatantly deserted and took out my angst upon those who have always been there. Blaming them for an abrocation that never was. The dawning of my comprehension gave my sight into how blind I really was. Seeking aid for those who misguided me when I was blind to the compassion and auspices that was so readily present. Turning to others for attention and comfort when I was already blessed with such a benediction. The moments that I have spent shedding tears over my idiocy still visualizes within sight as I do believe that this is one impact that defied all others. This memory is embedded within every nerve, blood and tear of my entire existence. It is immortalized within my soul.
Soul-searching like so many other individuals seek is not something that can be found or attained. This is something that has to be unearthed. It isn’t as easy as one may assume as we will encounter our worst enemies in the never-ending journey of self-discovery. Ourselves. We have to embrace ourselves to face our demons from within and of course the worst part, accept them as they are us in nature and in truth. The ugliness of oneself is the harshest possible truth that we can encounter and the detriments of a confrontation of this magnitude can bring about dire consequences. Nevertheless, we will also have to encompass parts of ourselves that escaped our notice and learn to comprehend them all the same. To find ones soul is not dependent upon the effort taken to search for it, for this is something that cannot be found. It has to be unearthed. Our true nature and abilities underline our intellectual, spiritual, mental, physical and all other dimensions of ourselves. And it resides nowhere else but within us. It all depends whether we have instilled enough courage to exhume it from the depths of our heart, mind and soul. Fight, find and feel it for no one can understand us till we can.
