Grenade
Dee



I adore Bruno Mars and when he dishes out songs like these who won't?!

Call me morbid and everything but another song that speaks volumes! LOVE

Grenade- Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no
Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Home is Where the Heart Is
Dee
How does a person have their whole world and then turn back to nothingness? I don't understand why I feel so affected by the departure of a dear friend but I just am. I used to look forward to the weekends so much I didn't know how much till they were taken away. The prospect of sleeping on a cold hard floor enamoured me so much that I didn't mind walking miles with bags laden on my tired shoulders in the sweltering heat of the afternoon sun. I left behind a luxurious room and house filled with goodies, a television at my disposal, an attached bathroom, a huge bed and space enough to accommodate five. I left all that for something less in material wealth and space but yet gained more. I left that all for a place I called home more sincerely than I ever have since I stepped foot on this foreign land. I went home to a single person who was more distant in blood to me than the next person but who was closer to my heart than most would care to understand.

The saying "home is where the heart is" took a whole new meaning in my eyes. For the first time, I actually understood the depth of what it meant. It didn't matter to me that after exhausting nights of studying, I came home to a floor and instead of having a fully stocked larder, I had a tiny cupboard to rifle through. I came home to more, I came home to a tiny person who cared and loved me as much as I did her. I came home to someone I regarded as family.

We didn't do or say much. But the simple things that we did held more definition to me than most memories I hold. Simple things like making coffee for each other. her crazy hair coming out from the covers to shut her alarm that would annoy the hell out of me as it rang every five minutes, her legs propped against the wall like pillars, the insane amount of time she would use to do her hair or even the simple things like how she would grin her heart out when she did something she knew would annoy me were things that meant so little at the time but now seem so paramount in effect. What I wouldn't give to have at least one of those moments back.

It doesn't matter that others don't understand how much of a loss her absence in presence is to me. I never expected them to. But I hope she does. I hope she knows how much I miss her and how I think of her every day and every night. I hope she realizes that she didn't merely provide me with a place to stay in my time of need, she provided me with a family when I felt alone. She gave me a place to belong to when I felt lost, and I don't mean a place where I could rest my head, I mean a place where my heart felt at peace. She will always have my heart wherever she is though I truly wish she was here with me....



I miss you Nisha and I always will.....
Labels: 1 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
The Feel of Life
Dee
Tiny, frail fingers reached out into the air,
Pale and wrinkly, they were bare,
Love and warmth enveloped them,
Blanketed by cotton and lace right to the hem....

Grew they did and reach out,
Touching and feeling the world about,
The soft tender strokes of mum's lips,
The rough graze of dads cheeks and his playful nips....

Colour and noise they grew into,
Grab at toys they did but only at a few,
Pictures and images they loved to feel,
Pages of wonder was what sealed the deal....

More did these hands grow to touch,
The wonders life provided were such,
Hand in hand the tiny fingers twirled,
Of laughter, tiny giggles and claps did they swirl....

To hold a pencil came the first task,
A new role to play, a new mask,
The weight of expectation begins to form,
Guidance came, all sweet and warm.

The grip on the pencil grew stronger,
The pressures with it grew harder,
Sweat and toil began to fester,
Of strength and courage these delicate strands muster....

To caress and hold they now knew,
But only for a few,
Those that they wished to show love and affection,
An undying dedication of love and passion....

Hitting hard at boards with letters,
As the icons move in tiny patters,
The smooth surface that these nimble tips brush,
A stark contrast to the weathered palms that were once lush....

Grown and weathered these bright brown feelers may be,
But the world they have seen,
Today they wonder of the touch they first knew,
The feel of emptiness, the darkness in dews...

They claw into the abyss,
Searching, groping, grieving....
Holding on to the single strand of hope,
That the treasure that lay beyond will help them cope,
With the hardness and roughness that life has set,
They search for the familiar warmth they once had....
Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Another Adventure To Remember
Dee
Not a thousand years ago,
Four friends were on the go,
To scour the land for delicious morsels,
A journey filled with banter, laughter and giggles.

Arrived they did at their hashery of choice,
The three roses stepped in with more smiles and noise,
The thorn was left behind rummaging,
For in his bag he was endlessly digging.

As the cuisines were picked in that chilly night,
In walks the harrowed thorn, a frightful sight!
The keys I've locked in our wagon,
Breathes the twitchy, agonized sanguine.

The other three stare bewildered,
What a state in to be rendered,
Are you sure, have you checked, how did you manage that, they all quipped,
With his head in his hands, the poor lad looked simply whipped.

Never matter, let us try to save the day, said the bright red one,
And before their meals arrived, two from the table were gone,
Silence loomed over the yellow and pink of the two,
Brood and worry began to stew.

Fruitlessly the two were recalled,
As plates presented had put their efforts on stall,
Mutter and chatter were scarce for once,
All four were embroiled in a silent trance.

The only resolve was an hour away,
But who would they call upon to save this harrowing day?
The pink of them had a name,
And all four prayed for hope till their saviour came.

Futile efforts were once more carried at their carriage,
But all their toil lay in carnage,
Stares and jokes they did attract,
They looked like goons that night, that is a fact.

Their knight in shining transit did soon arrive,
The four then shone alive,
Ever grateful they were to be rescued,
For the cold would have started a heated feud.

Laugh they did at the impish thorn,
But the poor dear did seem truly forlorn,
Yet his antics were one to remember,
And the three shall forget this never.

More laughter and chatter filled the lively clunker,
Excitement came from laughing, teasing and banter,
The rogue of the night was indeed picked on,
But then again, he was the night's moron.

The journey to the other end of state,
Had brought them into the day late,
Weary they were growing,
But the journey they were loving.

As the day's adventure came to an end,
All four thanked their god's sent,
Ever grateful they were,
For their knight in shining armour truly was a dear.

Without his noble aid, they would have been stranded,
And who knows how their night would have ended,
They bid goodbye and clambered into their loyal wagon,
The four moved on into the night as a renewed tightly-knit brethren.

An adventure in the eyes of the four,
With their children they shall someday laugh and share this lore,
Closer together they left that night,
A joy and a wrong turned out better than a right.

This piece I dedicate to our little adventure,
For this certainly is a blunder to remember,
A night cherished and will always be laughed upon,
A night that brought five friends together with bonds reborn.
Labels: 2 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Ahead and Before....
Dee
Fingers grazing my dreams,
Pain brushing my screams,
I look in the mirror and wonder,
What comes after,
The meaning of the shadow that falls behind,
The terrors of the night in your arms I find,
The embrace of that turned vice,
The laugh that turned to cries,
Stony grey ice staring back,
The day that turns black,
Of warmth comes chill,
A stroll on a journey uphill,

Leaves that fall,
Build a brick wall,
A dam that holds within,
The reservoir of bitter sin,
Time trickles down my cheek,
The light my eyes seek,
As my fingers grip the empty air,
The face of a blank stare.....

What lies behind is told,
What lay ahead waiting to unfold,
The lips whisper,
The heart and mind suffer,
The lights dim as the curtain unfurls,
As colour swirls,

A visage of miracles,
A life of debacles,
As the last tear trickles,
And the face wrinkles....

The last never ends,
The circle never bends....
Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
When the Going Gets Tough
Dee
“When times get tough the tough get going”

Story of my life I once used to think. Whenever things got tough, rough and edgy, I simply went. Never looking back I went. Fuelled by anger, shame, a drive like no other, I went without looking back. Was I wrong? Have I gone forth so much that I can’t look back without cringing? Drowning myself with work has always worked. Never really having the time on my hands has left me with a sense of security as I suffocated myself with something I had labelled “productive” Never had I once thought that they sacrifices I made would one day show up at my doorstep demanding an explanation. Had I grown up way too fast? Had I thrown away my youth for the sake of seeking approval? What was it I wanted so badly out of this painstaking way of life?

Don’t get me wrong, I have never once held my decisions or my choices in the light of regret. But these questions that have accompanied my moments of loneliness now seem to greet my mind when preoccupation has filtered through. Who am I? What is my purpose in life? I’ve never had a truly meaningful existence have I? If I were to suddenly disappear, would anyone truly miss me? As in not just my presence, but me, the person that I am. What am I or have I offered others in terms of a friendship? Sometimes I feel so undeserving of all the kindness and the love that seem to blanket me with such easing comfort. What have I done to deserve the grace and beauty that simply seems to fall at my feet? I have wonderful parents, beautiful family members and adoring friends. What have I done to earn all of them? Do I even deserve them? Self-doubt, anxiety and questions plague my every inch of sanity.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything that goes around me. There are times when I just feel like throwing everything away and disappearing forever. A thought that carves a smile across my face is I remember a friend once saying, “One day you may go to sleep forever” If only. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not suicidal or anything. But I just wish that I could take everything away for just one day. The pain. The thoughts. The memories. The bitterness. The ache that simply never seems to fade away. It’s exhausting having to pretend being strong all the time. To seem like whenever times got tough, others could turn to me to get everyone and everything going. For once, I just want to be the one who’s taken care of. For a little while, I just want to be able to shift all the responsibilities that cripple to someone else for just a little while. My shoulders ache from the heave that I’ve been lugging around and even for a split second, I wish I could just relieve myself of some stress. But somehow, I’ve never been able to move this load.

For me, when the tough got going, my whole life followed suit.
Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
A Glance Out A Window
Dee

Every time I look at the window,

Sight greets me with life, with sorrow,

The sun that shines leaves me with a question,

If its shine will forever be in my possession,

Will the warmth I feel ever fade,

Will its glow one day evade,

Will I ever be alone,

Are these the seeds of life and love I’ve sown,

I look out at the gay and merry garden,

Of colour, vibrance and vigour the land is laden,

Smiles dawn at its mere sight,

It sends your heart and joy soaring to new heights,

With that joy a notion dawns,

Will these smiles one day be replaced by frowns,

Will the joy in my heart ever last,

Or will they fade with the colours of the blooms into the gray past……

The birds soar, gliding through the heavenly clouds,

The white carpet blanketing them like smooth shrouds,

The comfort, warmth and security,

The feeling of being unguarded, free,

Will it ever be mine,

This feeling will I ever find,

A question I now not the answer to,

A question that’s not anew….

Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Of Questions and Quandaries
Dee
The rooms around speak of silence,
My heart speaks of penitence,
The wrongs I've led through out this existence,
The long harrowing distance,
What is right by my heart,
Where is that line from which I wish to depart,
Emptiness surrounds like a wave of fury,
A future that burned bright now seems blurry,
The heart cowering in fright of what lay therein,
Of questions unanswered and undiscovered terrain,
Who is this person staring back through that smooth surface,
Who is that person that yearns to live a life of grace,
Why does she tremble from the inside,
Why does she speak with joy and exuberance in attempts to hide,
All that clouds her mind and soul,
Of what may possibly greet her ahead; foretold,
Why does a tear streak down her face in times of strength,
Why does she find ache in moments at length,
Why does her hand grasp at nothingness,
Of a mind of quandary and sheer sadness,
Where does she turn, where will she search,
A life of triumph thats now left in a lurch,
Who is she, she wonders now,
She needs to discover herself, but how,
In moments of trials and tribulations,
Where will she seek comfort and guidance,
In moments of anguish and sorrow,
When will she let those tears free flow,
Strength is what shes defined as,
The one to turn to when climbing those lofty stairs,
Hold you and guide you she will,
Even at rest she's never still,
But from whom shall she seek guidance,
Where will she turn to for assistance,
A shoulder to cry on,
A spirit that will has left and gone,
Only hope remains and its essence fading,
A will and spirit that remains degrading.....
Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Nonsense of Mine
Dee
I sit at a desk staring into space,
Looking at a law book, fretting over a case,
Then it struck me,
How retarded the situation seemed to be,
I'm a psychology student,
The topic at hand seems errant,

But yet,
Though most people would think I'm loony I bet,
Its a captivating subject,
And this mere thought sets me apart to people as an object,
A robot they called me,
But how they find this a bore I simply cannot see!

The concepts and terms defined,
And how each study seems intertwined,
Finding means to achieve an end,
A loss to a gain is the choice to transcend....

The loopholes in between,
Searching for definitional errors that have not yet been seen,
Life itself comes alive,
The win is what the goal here is to strive,

Oh what the hell am I doing,
My notes on Psychology is what I should be reading!
*Bangs head on wall,
Rolls fist into a ball,
Dumbass get back to your own book,
Stop getting yourself dangling on this hook!
STUDY STUDY STUDY!
This is gonna be over my dead BODY!!!!!

I have successfully lost it! So anyone, really....ANYONE, call me an ambulance....



Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Life, Love and Choices
Dee

Why do we make the choices we do? What governs our actions? How do we choose to sacrifice one aspect of our lives in favor of another? How can we be so blinded to so many voices around us in favor for something that does nothing but purely gratifies our desires?

So many questions ran through my head when I was faced with a recent conundrum. Aspects I had never pondered on before surfaced from depths I had not submerged to before. Interestingly enough, these issues were not mine personally, but they set of a chain of events that triggered question after question in my mind.

Someone once told me, you wouldn’t understand love as you’ve never actually been in a real relationship before. As much as that stung, I have to admit it’s true. My relationships have never really been full-fledged neither have they been in the actual sense of the word REAL. May be I’m prone to self-sabotage potential relationships, maybe I’m hesitant of emotional (and for all you snickering idiots out there, physical as well) intimacy or maybe I’m simply way to picky for my own good. Whatever the reason may be behind my choices, the fact of the matter is, I haven’t really experienced romantic love like some people have. And reaching a far crying age of 22, it seems rather pathetic. But the one matter that bothered me is that, how could anyone deny me the right at claiming that though I had not experienced the emotion, that I would not understand it? I do realize that an emotion has to be thoroughly felt in order to achieve the extent of what it entails, but to say that I had no inkling of what it was in entirety was rather ignorant, or so my ego would perceive.

So from a completely naïve and inexperienced perspective, I drew out what I thought love truly is. To me to love someone is to put them ahead of you. To find it deep within the realms of your heart to make decisions that would be for the better of them and not in motion with your own desires. Love should motivate, appreciate and generate a positive growth and not deteriorate or stagnate a person’s growth. Pain is inevitable in love but that pain should never be a deterrence but it should help enforce a person to deal with the harsh realities of life. It should be there in moments of sorrow and fragments of joy. The one emotion to draw strength from and the one emotion to share insecurities with. Love should give you a world’s worth of confidence and yet be your guiding force in keeping you grounded. It is the emotion that sets equilibrium in life and propels that need for happiness and a drive to succeed not for the means of gratifying your ego but for the simplest means of seeing a smile on your better half’s face.

To love is to desire to give them the world and yet wanting nothing in return. To yearn to see a beautiful smile carved upon the face that lights your heart with joy. To see that sparkle in their eyes at the thought that you’ve brought them pride. The simple look of gratitude that makes you feel that you’ve succeeded in life.

Love aims to make you a better person. It aims to lift you to new heights. Love never detracts nor does it ever retract. I may not know in entirety what love is all about from a romantic perspective but I do know what love feels like and I know that the love I’ve shared and experienced through life has thought me these very tiny yet significant lessons. The love I’ve had for my parents have seen sacrifices but never to an extent that would diminish the person I am. The love I’ve shared with my friends has motivated me in doing better in life. The laughter, joy and tears we’ve shared simply adds to the fact that our lives are intertwined with great complexity but none too complex to know that we want the best for each other. We push each other up that step ladder and would never hesitate in crawling back down a step to help boost one of us up. Sacrifice and love do tend to go hand in hand. But to what extent would love accept sacrifice as an accompaniment? If life was to be taken for granted and all that was to be gained out of love was pain and misery, then that would be a far cry from love itself. To throw away life as a mere excuse of loving someone is not sacrifice, its stupidity.

Never besmirch love with lust and never associate sacrifice with the vain attempts at securing your lustful urges. That is by far the greatest insult that anyone could ever bestow upon the name of love. Love isn’t simply an emotion shared by two people that leave all reason and logic at the door. Love is also shared between a father and a daughter, a brother and a sister and its shared by friends alike. So never turn your back on all that love that’s already surrounded in claims that you’re doing so for love. For the truth lies within you as much as others can see it too, that what’s in your heart was definitely not love but in essence, lust.

Labels: 2 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Pengembaraan Terakhir
Dee

Mataku menatap wajahmu yang menatang kesedihan,

Setiap patah perkataanmu mencurahkan kepiluan dengan perlahan,

Matamu yang memerah dengan keinginan, fikiran dan perasaan,

Adakah hatimu tenang dengan kepuasan?

Wajahmu membayangkan ciri rasa hatimu,

Kata yang dituturi penuh emosi dilitupi ilmu,

Keperitan hati yang dipelajari,

Dari kehidupan sehari demi sehari,

Nadamu yang penuh kerinduan,

Kehidupan dipenuhi perhitungan,

Jikalau hidup ini senang difahami,

Jikalau perjalanan ini boleh secukupnya diselami,

Bayangkan dirimu tanpa halangan dan pertandingan,

Hidupmu sempurna, tanpa tandingan,

Tapi itukah namanya kehidupan?

Bebas dari keperitan, diselimuti perlindungan,

Hati gemalai yang senang dilukai ini,

Tidak pernah diguris sebegini,

Kegelapan malam membawa teman memori yang memeraskan hati,

Sebahagian hidup yang amat sukar ditelani,

Hati dan sanubari yang bergelora,

Jiwa yang kini membara,

Mengambil langkah tersebut dengan hati yang dipenuhi keazaman,

Dari mula hingga ke akhir hayat kau akan diteman,

Dengan hatimu tersendiri,

Ukirkanlah hati yang berseri,

Di mana jua kau berada,

Gunakanlah hatimu sebagai persada...

Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Thought of The Day
Dee

Sometimes life seems to deal us the best cards.... And then with a whiff, it snatches it from our grip before we've even registered the joy of having such blessings.


Really? Sounds depressing. Maybe thats true and maybe its not. Somehow life has its quirks and it has its upsets but the one thing thats certain.... No matter where u are, who you're with, what you do or how you do something... Know that you're blessed. As difficult as it may be at times to believe so, remember that somewhere out there is a soul that's in a position much worse than you're own asking the very same question yet living through every sickening minute of the ordeal. If not for the faith you have, persevere for the love you possess.


Very preachy? Felt like it! Oh well, thats the thought of the day I guess =)


Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, or bear its troubles patiently. Palladas


Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
Grateful...
Dee
I miss saturday morning breakfasts with dad,
I miss the laughs and quirks over the teas we shared,
I miss mom telling me to quit eating chillies
I miss the way she loved buying trinkets that were cute and frilly, (not that i'd wear them)
I miss fighting with my brother,
We had a love hate relationship like no other,
I miss wrapping my arms around my sweet little baby,
I miss her as much as she misses me,
I miss running errands for my grandfather,
I truly hope he's feeling better,
I miss talking to dad about everything,
I miss the way kakak loves to sing,
I miss the way she'd always make me fish when she cooks mutton,
I love the way she squeals every time she finds a missing button,
I miss arguing with dad which plant would look better at the front porch,
I miss hearing my brother getting a earful every time dad has to look for the torch,
I miss cuddling up to dad on weekend afternoons as we watch tv,
I miss seeing mom's eyes grow huge at every saree she sees, (apparently her monstrous collection will be mine someday, APPARENTLY, we'll see)
I miss mom telling me to wear things that I deem inappropriate,
And I miss her staring at me as if I was being weird,
I miss my bed, my home and my family,
One of the many joys I can't wait to see.....


I miss running to Jill's place for the Sim's,
Its been ages it seems,
I miss Guling shushing us quiet,
I loved living on my own planet,
I miss Adie's prodding fingers,
I miss the way our gaze lingers,
I miss taking hour long lunch breaks and forgoing the rest of class,
I miss Guling inspecting every inch of her glass,
I miss Adie winding up asleep on my shoulder every time a lecture drags,
I miss Jilly's witty gags,
I miss our Mango Mania trips,
And our San Fran coffee sips,
I miss how they make fun of my ignorance,
And take it upon themselves to vividly explain things to me with great "patience"

Life truly does have its ups and downs,
Its smiles and frowns,
But with such beautiful memories within you,
How can you feel your life isn't true,
With such love and cherish,
I don't think I have a remaining wish,
Except that these joys remain with me till my very last moment,
For my life as blessed as it has been, has also been truly pleasant....
Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post
To You
Dee
To the one who always calls me at the oddest times,
Thank you...

To the one that always laughs at me scrubbing hard at gunk and grimes,
Thank you too....

To the one who squishes me so hard with a hug,
I miss you....

To the one who I call a total slug,
Its true....

To the one whose shoulders I always cry upon,
You're a friend thats true....

To the one I laugh with from dusk till dawn,
I miss you too....

To the one that I laugh at,
I still do...

To the one I yell at,
You make me want to....

To the one I love unconditionally,
You're one of the few...

To the one that always turns to me to bully,
Screw you!

To the one that does it only to tease,
Not you....

To the one I love to please,
You better find someone new....

To the one I pledge my heart to...
Damn I wish I knew you!
Labels: 0 Seams and Embellishments | edit post

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Grenade

Sunday, December 12, 2010 Posted by Dee



I adore Bruno Mars and when he dishes out songs like these who won't?!

Call me morbid and everything but another song that speaks volumes! LOVE

Grenade- Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no
0 comments Labels:

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Home is Where the Heart Is

Saturday, December 11, 2010 Posted by Dee
How does a person have their whole world and then turn back to nothingness? I don't understand why I feel so affected by the departure of a dear friend but I just am. I used to look forward to the weekends so much I didn't know how much till they were taken away. The prospect of sleeping on a cold hard floor enamoured me so much that I didn't mind walking miles with bags laden on my tired shoulders in the sweltering heat of the afternoon sun. I left behind a luxurious room and house filled with goodies, a television at my disposal, an attached bathroom, a huge bed and space enough to accommodate five. I left all that for something less in material wealth and space but yet gained more. I left that all for a place I called home more sincerely than I ever have since I stepped foot on this foreign land. I went home to a single person who was more distant in blood to me than the next person but who was closer to my heart than most would care to understand.

The saying "home is where the heart is" took a whole new meaning in my eyes. For the first time, I actually understood the depth of what it meant. It didn't matter to me that after exhausting nights of studying, I came home to a floor and instead of having a fully stocked larder, I had a tiny cupboard to rifle through. I came home to more, I came home to a tiny person who cared and loved me as much as I did her. I came home to someone I regarded as family.

We didn't do or say much. But the simple things that we did held more definition to me than most memories I hold. Simple things like making coffee for each other. her crazy hair coming out from the covers to shut her alarm that would annoy the hell out of me as it rang every five minutes, her legs propped against the wall like pillars, the insane amount of time she would use to do her hair or even the simple things like how she would grin her heart out when she did something she knew would annoy me were things that meant so little at the time but now seem so paramount in effect. What I wouldn't give to have at least one of those moments back.

It doesn't matter that others don't understand how much of a loss her absence in presence is to me. I never expected them to. But I hope she does. I hope she knows how much I miss her and how I think of her every day and every night. I hope she realizes that she didn't merely provide me with a place to stay in my time of need, she provided me with a family when I felt alone. She gave me a place to belong to when I felt lost, and I don't mean a place where I could rest my head, I mean a place where my heart felt at peace. She will always have my heart wherever she is though I truly wish she was here with me....



I miss you Nisha and I always will.....
1 comments Labels:

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Feel of Life

Saturday, September 25, 2010 Posted by Dee
Tiny, frail fingers reached out into the air,
Pale and wrinkly, they were bare,
Love and warmth enveloped them,
Blanketed by cotton and lace right to the hem....

Grew they did and reach out,
Touching and feeling the world about,
The soft tender strokes of mum's lips,
The rough graze of dads cheeks and his playful nips....

Colour and noise they grew into,
Grab at toys they did but only at a few,
Pictures and images they loved to feel,
Pages of wonder was what sealed the deal....

More did these hands grow to touch,
The wonders life provided were such,
Hand in hand the tiny fingers twirled,
Of laughter, tiny giggles and claps did they swirl....

To hold a pencil came the first task,
A new role to play, a new mask,
The weight of expectation begins to form,
Guidance came, all sweet and warm.

The grip on the pencil grew stronger,
The pressures with it grew harder,
Sweat and toil began to fester,
Of strength and courage these delicate strands muster....

To caress and hold they now knew,
But only for a few,
Those that they wished to show love and affection,
An undying dedication of love and passion....

Hitting hard at boards with letters,
As the icons move in tiny patters,
The smooth surface that these nimble tips brush,
A stark contrast to the weathered palms that were once lush....

Grown and weathered these bright brown feelers may be,
But the world they have seen,
Today they wonder of the touch they first knew,
The feel of emptiness, the darkness in dews...

They claw into the abyss,
Searching, groping, grieving....
Holding on to the single strand of hope,
That the treasure that lay beyond will help them cope,
With the hardness and roughness that life has set,
They search for the familiar warmth they once had....
0 comments Labels:

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Another Adventure To Remember

Thursday, September 16, 2010 Posted by Dee
Not a thousand years ago,
Four friends were on the go,
To scour the land for delicious morsels,
A journey filled with banter, laughter and giggles.

Arrived they did at their hashery of choice,
The three roses stepped in with more smiles and noise,
The thorn was left behind rummaging,
For in his bag he was endlessly digging.

As the cuisines were picked in that chilly night,
In walks the harrowed thorn, a frightful sight!
The keys I've locked in our wagon,
Breathes the twitchy, agonized sanguine.

The other three stare bewildered,
What a state in to be rendered,
Are you sure, have you checked, how did you manage that, they all quipped,
With his head in his hands, the poor lad looked simply whipped.

Never matter, let us try to save the day, said the bright red one,
And before their meals arrived, two from the table were gone,
Silence loomed over the yellow and pink of the two,
Brood and worry began to stew.

Fruitlessly the two were recalled,
As plates presented had put their efforts on stall,
Mutter and chatter were scarce for once,
All four were embroiled in a silent trance.

The only resolve was an hour away,
But who would they call upon to save this harrowing day?
The pink of them had a name,
And all four prayed for hope till their saviour came.

Futile efforts were once more carried at their carriage,
But all their toil lay in carnage,
Stares and jokes they did attract,
They looked like goons that night, that is a fact.

Their knight in shining transit did soon arrive,
The four then shone alive,
Ever grateful they were to be rescued,
For the cold would have started a heated feud.

Laugh they did at the impish thorn,
But the poor dear did seem truly forlorn,
Yet his antics were one to remember,
And the three shall forget this never.

More laughter and chatter filled the lively clunker,
Excitement came from laughing, teasing and banter,
The rogue of the night was indeed picked on,
But then again, he was the night's moron.

The journey to the other end of state,
Had brought them into the day late,
Weary they were growing,
But the journey they were loving.

As the day's adventure came to an end,
All four thanked their god's sent,
Ever grateful they were,
For their knight in shining armour truly was a dear.

Without his noble aid, they would have been stranded,
And who knows how their night would have ended,
They bid goodbye and clambered into their loyal wagon,
The four moved on into the night as a renewed tightly-knit brethren.

An adventure in the eyes of the four,
With their children they shall someday laugh and share this lore,
Closer together they left that night,
A joy and a wrong turned out better than a right.

This piece I dedicate to our little adventure,
For this certainly is a blunder to remember,
A night cherished and will always be laughed upon,
A night that brought five friends together with bonds reborn.
2 comments Labels:

Monday, September 06, 2010

Ahead and Before....

Monday, September 06, 2010 Posted by Dee
Fingers grazing my dreams,
Pain brushing my screams,
I look in the mirror and wonder,
What comes after,
The meaning of the shadow that falls behind,
The terrors of the night in your arms I find,
The embrace of that turned vice,
The laugh that turned to cries,
Stony grey ice staring back,
The day that turns black,
Of warmth comes chill,
A stroll on a journey uphill,

Leaves that fall,
Build a brick wall,
A dam that holds within,
The reservoir of bitter sin,
Time trickles down my cheek,
The light my eyes seek,
As my fingers grip the empty air,
The face of a blank stare.....

What lies behind is told,
What lay ahead waiting to unfold,
The lips whisper,
The heart and mind suffer,
The lights dim as the curtain unfurls,
As colour swirls,

A visage of miracles,
A life of debacles,
As the last tear trickles,
And the face wrinkles....

The last never ends,
The circle never bends....
0 comments Labels:

Monday, June 21, 2010

When the Going Gets Tough

Monday, June 21, 2010 Posted by Dee
“When times get tough the tough get going”

Story of my life I once used to think. Whenever things got tough, rough and edgy, I simply went. Never looking back I went. Fuelled by anger, shame, a drive like no other, I went without looking back. Was I wrong? Have I gone forth so much that I can’t look back without cringing? Drowning myself with work has always worked. Never really having the time on my hands has left me with a sense of security as I suffocated myself with something I had labelled “productive” Never had I once thought that they sacrifices I made would one day show up at my doorstep demanding an explanation. Had I grown up way too fast? Had I thrown away my youth for the sake of seeking approval? What was it I wanted so badly out of this painstaking way of life?

Don’t get me wrong, I have never once held my decisions or my choices in the light of regret. But these questions that have accompanied my moments of loneliness now seem to greet my mind when preoccupation has filtered through. Who am I? What is my purpose in life? I’ve never had a truly meaningful existence have I? If I were to suddenly disappear, would anyone truly miss me? As in not just my presence, but me, the person that I am. What am I or have I offered others in terms of a friendship? Sometimes I feel so undeserving of all the kindness and the love that seem to blanket me with such easing comfort. What have I done to deserve the grace and beauty that simply seems to fall at my feet? I have wonderful parents, beautiful family members and adoring friends. What have I done to earn all of them? Do I even deserve them? Self-doubt, anxiety and questions plague my every inch of sanity.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything that goes around me. There are times when I just feel like throwing everything away and disappearing forever. A thought that carves a smile across my face is I remember a friend once saying, “One day you may go to sleep forever” If only. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not suicidal or anything. But I just wish that I could take everything away for just one day. The pain. The thoughts. The memories. The bitterness. The ache that simply never seems to fade away. It’s exhausting having to pretend being strong all the time. To seem like whenever times got tough, others could turn to me to get everyone and everything going. For once, I just want to be the one who’s taken care of. For a little while, I just want to be able to shift all the responsibilities that cripple to someone else for just a little while. My shoulders ache from the heave that I’ve been lugging around and even for a split second, I wish I could just relieve myself of some stress. But somehow, I’ve never been able to move this load.

For me, when the tough got going, my whole life followed suit.
0 comments Labels:

Sunday, June 20, 2010

A Glance Out A Window

Sunday, June 20, 2010 Posted by Dee

Every time I look at the window,

Sight greets me with life, with sorrow,

The sun that shines leaves me with a question,

If its shine will forever be in my possession,

Will the warmth I feel ever fade,

Will its glow one day evade,

Will I ever be alone,

Are these the seeds of life and love I’ve sown,

I look out at the gay and merry garden,

Of colour, vibrance and vigour the land is laden,

Smiles dawn at its mere sight,

It sends your heart and joy soaring to new heights,

With that joy a notion dawns,

Will these smiles one day be replaced by frowns,

Will the joy in my heart ever last,

Or will they fade with the colours of the blooms into the gray past……

The birds soar, gliding through the heavenly clouds,

The white carpet blanketing them like smooth shrouds,

The comfort, warmth and security,

The feeling of being unguarded, free,

Will it ever be mine,

This feeling will I ever find,

A question I now not the answer to,

A question that’s not anew….

0 comments Labels:

Monday, June 14, 2010

Of Questions and Quandaries

Monday, June 14, 2010 Posted by Dee
The rooms around speak of silence,
My heart speaks of penitence,
The wrongs I've led through out this existence,
The long harrowing distance,
What is right by my heart,
Where is that line from which I wish to depart,
Emptiness surrounds like a wave of fury,
A future that burned bright now seems blurry,
The heart cowering in fright of what lay therein,
Of questions unanswered and undiscovered terrain,
Who is this person staring back through that smooth surface,
Who is that person that yearns to live a life of grace,
Why does she tremble from the inside,
Why does she speak with joy and exuberance in attempts to hide,
All that clouds her mind and soul,
Of what may possibly greet her ahead; foretold,
Why does a tear streak down her face in times of strength,
Why does she find ache in moments at length,
Why does her hand grasp at nothingness,
Of a mind of quandary and sheer sadness,
Where does she turn, where will she search,
A life of triumph thats now left in a lurch,
Who is she, she wonders now,
She needs to discover herself, but how,
In moments of trials and tribulations,
Where will she seek comfort and guidance,
In moments of anguish and sorrow,
When will she let those tears free flow,
Strength is what shes defined as,
The one to turn to when climbing those lofty stairs,
Hold you and guide you she will,
Even at rest she's never still,
But from whom shall she seek guidance,
Where will she turn to for assistance,
A shoulder to cry on,
A spirit that will has left and gone,
Only hope remains and its essence fading,
A will and spirit that remains degrading.....
0 comments Labels:

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Nonsense of Mine

Sunday, June 06, 2010 Posted by Dee
I sit at a desk staring into space,
Looking at a law book, fretting over a case,
Then it struck me,
How retarded the situation seemed to be,
I'm a psychology student,
The topic at hand seems errant,

But yet,
Though most people would think I'm loony I bet,
Its a captivating subject,
And this mere thought sets me apart to people as an object,
A robot they called me,
But how they find this a bore I simply cannot see!

The concepts and terms defined,
And how each study seems intertwined,
Finding means to achieve an end,
A loss to a gain is the choice to transcend....

The loopholes in between,
Searching for definitional errors that have not yet been seen,
Life itself comes alive,
The win is what the goal here is to strive,

Oh what the hell am I doing,
My notes on Psychology is what I should be reading!
*Bangs head on wall,
Rolls fist into a ball,
Dumbass get back to your own book,
Stop getting yourself dangling on this hook!
STUDY STUDY STUDY!
This is gonna be over my dead BODY!!!!!

I have successfully lost it! So anyone, really....ANYONE, call me an ambulance....



0 comments Labels:

Life, Love and Choices

Sunday, June 06, 2010 Posted by Dee

Why do we make the choices we do? What governs our actions? How do we choose to sacrifice one aspect of our lives in favor of another? How can we be so blinded to so many voices around us in favor for something that does nothing but purely gratifies our desires?

So many questions ran through my head when I was faced with a recent conundrum. Aspects I had never pondered on before surfaced from depths I had not submerged to before. Interestingly enough, these issues were not mine personally, but they set of a chain of events that triggered question after question in my mind.

Someone once told me, you wouldn’t understand love as you’ve never actually been in a real relationship before. As much as that stung, I have to admit it’s true. My relationships have never really been full-fledged neither have they been in the actual sense of the word REAL. May be I’m prone to self-sabotage potential relationships, maybe I’m hesitant of emotional (and for all you snickering idiots out there, physical as well) intimacy or maybe I’m simply way to picky for my own good. Whatever the reason may be behind my choices, the fact of the matter is, I haven’t really experienced romantic love like some people have. And reaching a far crying age of 22, it seems rather pathetic. But the one matter that bothered me is that, how could anyone deny me the right at claiming that though I had not experienced the emotion, that I would not understand it? I do realize that an emotion has to be thoroughly felt in order to achieve the extent of what it entails, but to say that I had no inkling of what it was in entirety was rather ignorant, or so my ego would perceive.

So from a completely naïve and inexperienced perspective, I drew out what I thought love truly is. To me to love someone is to put them ahead of you. To find it deep within the realms of your heart to make decisions that would be for the better of them and not in motion with your own desires. Love should motivate, appreciate and generate a positive growth and not deteriorate or stagnate a person’s growth. Pain is inevitable in love but that pain should never be a deterrence but it should help enforce a person to deal with the harsh realities of life. It should be there in moments of sorrow and fragments of joy. The one emotion to draw strength from and the one emotion to share insecurities with. Love should give you a world’s worth of confidence and yet be your guiding force in keeping you grounded. It is the emotion that sets equilibrium in life and propels that need for happiness and a drive to succeed not for the means of gratifying your ego but for the simplest means of seeing a smile on your better half’s face.

To love is to desire to give them the world and yet wanting nothing in return. To yearn to see a beautiful smile carved upon the face that lights your heart with joy. To see that sparkle in their eyes at the thought that you’ve brought them pride. The simple look of gratitude that makes you feel that you’ve succeeded in life.

Love aims to make you a better person. It aims to lift you to new heights. Love never detracts nor does it ever retract. I may not know in entirety what love is all about from a romantic perspective but I do know what love feels like and I know that the love I’ve shared and experienced through life has thought me these very tiny yet significant lessons. The love I’ve had for my parents have seen sacrifices but never to an extent that would diminish the person I am. The love I’ve shared with my friends has motivated me in doing better in life. The laughter, joy and tears we’ve shared simply adds to the fact that our lives are intertwined with great complexity but none too complex to know that we want the best for each other. We push each other up that step ladder and would never hesitate in crawling back down a step to help boost one of us up. Sacrifice and love do tend to go hand in hand. But to what extent would love accept sacrifice as an accompaniment? If life was to be taken for granted and all that was to be gained out of love was pain and misery, then that would be a far cry from love itself. To throw away life as a mere excuse of loving someone is not sacrifice, its stupidity.

Never besmirch love with lust and never associate sacrifice with the vain attempts at securing your lustful urges. That is by far the greatest insult that anyone could ever bestow upon the name of love. Love isn’t simply an emotion shared by two people that leave all reason and logic at the door. Love is also shared between a father and a daughter, a brother and a sister and its shared by friends alike. So never turn your back on all that love that’s already surrounded in claims that you’re doing so for love. For the truth lies within you as much as others can see it too, that what’s in your heart was definitely not love but in essence, lust.

2 comments Labels:

Pengembaraan Terakhir

Sunday, June 06, 2010 Posted by Dee

Mataku menatap wajahmu yang menatang kesedihan,

Setiap patah perkataanmu mencurahkan kepiluan dengan perlahan,

Matamu yang memerah dengan keinginan, fikiran dan perasaan,

Adakah hatimu tenang dengan kepuasan?

Wajahmu membayangkan ciri rasa hatimu,

Kata yang dituturi penuh emosi dilitupi ilmu,

Keperitan hati yang dipelajari,

Dari kehidupan sehari demi sehari,

Nadamu yang penuh kerinduan,

Kehidupan dipenuhi perhitungan,

Jikalau hidup ini senang difahami,

Jikalau perjalanan ini boleh secukupnya diselami,

Bayangkan dirimu tanpa halangan dan pertandingan,

Hidupmu sempurna, tanpa tandingan,

Tapi itukah namanya kehidupan?

Bebas dari keperitan, diselimuti perlindungan,

Hati gemalai yang senang dilukai ini,

Tidak pernah diguris sebegini,

Kegelapan malam membawa teman memori yang memeraskan hati,

Sebahagian hidup yang amat sukar ditelani,

Hati dan sanubari yang bergelora,

Jiwa yang kini membara,

Mengambil langkah tersebut dengan hati yang dipenuhi keazaman,

Dari mula hingga ke akhir hayat kau akan diteman,

Dengan hatimu tersendiri,

Ukirkanlah hati yang berseri,

Di mana jua kau berada,

Gunakanlah hatimu sebagai persada...

0 comments Labels:

Monday, May 24, 2010

Thought of The Day

Monday, May 24, 2010 Posted by Dee

Sometimes life seems to deal us the best cards.... And then with a whiff, it snatches it from our grip before we've even registered the joy of having such blessings.


Really? Sounds depressing. Maybe thats true and maybe its not. Somehow life has its quirks and it has its upsets but the one thing thats certain.... No matter where u are, who you're with, what you do or how you do something... Know that you're blessed. As difficult as it may be at times to believe so, remember that somewhere out there is a soul that's in a position much worse than you're own asking the very same question yet living through every sickening minute of the ordeal. If not for the faith you have, persevere for the love you possess.


Very preachy? Felt like it! Oh well, thats the thought of the day I guess =)


Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, or bear its troubles patiently. Palladas


0 comments Labels:

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Grateful...

Sunday, May 23, 2010 Posted by Dee
I miss saturday morning breakfasts with dad,
I miss the laughs and quirks over the teas we shared,
I miss mom telling me to quit eating chillies
I miss the way she loved buying trinkets that were cute and frilly, (not that i'd wear them)
I miss fighting with my brother,
We had a love hate relationship like no other,
I miss wrapping my arms around my sweet little baby,
I miss her as much as she misses me,
I miss running errands for my grandfather,
I truly hope he's feeling better,
I miss talking to dad about everything,
I miss the way kakak loves to sing,
I miss the way she'd always make me fish when she cooks mutton,
I love the way she squeals every time she finds a missing button,
I miss arguing with dad which plant would look better at the front porch,
I miss hearing my brother getting a earful every time dad has to look for the torch,
I miss cuddling up to dad on weekend afternoons as we watch tv,
I miss seeing mom's eyes grow huge at every saree she sees, (apparently her monstrous collection will be mine someday, APPARENTLY, we'll see)
I miss mom telling me to wear things that I deem inappropriate,
And I miss her staring at me as if I was being weird,
I miss my bed, my home and my family,
One of the many joys I can't wait to see.....


I miss running to Jill's place for the Sim's,
Its been ages it seems,
I miss Guling shushing us quiet,
I loved living on my own planet,
I miss Adie's prodding fingers,
I miss the way our gaze lingers,
I miss taking hour long lunch breaks and forgoing the rest of class,
I miss Guling inspecting every inch of her glass,
I miss Adie winding up asleep on my shoulder every time a lecture drags,
I miss Jilly's witty gags,
I miss our Mango Mania trips,
And our San Fran coffee sips,
I miss how they make fun of my ignorance,
And take it upon themselves to vividly explain things to me with great "patience"

Life truly does have its ups and downs,
Its smiles and frowns,
But with such beautiful memories within you,
How can you feel your life isn't true,
With such love and cherish,
I don't think I have a remaining wish,
Except that these joys remain with me till my very last moment,
For my life as blessed as it has been, has also been truly pleasant....
0 comments Labels:

Sunday, May 16, 2010

To You

Sunday, May 16, 2010 Posted by Dee
To the one who always calls me at the oddest times,
Thank you...

To the one that always laughs at me scrubbing hard at gunk and grimes,
Thank you too....

To the one who squishes me so hard with a hug,
I miss you....

To the one who I call a total slug,
Its true....

To the one whose shoulders I always cry upon,
You're a friend thats true....

To the one I laugh with from dusk till dawn,
I miss you too....

To the one that I laugh at,
I still do...

To the one I yell at,
You make me want to....

To the one I love unconditionally,
You're one of the few...

To the one that always turns to me to bully,
Screw you!

To the one that does it only to tease,
Not you....

To the one I love to please,
You better find someone new....

To the one I pledge my heart to...
Damn I wish I knew you!
0 comments Labels:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)